Archive of ‘fripperies’ category

Hexmas Shopping From Home On Black Friday

harmony_1024x1024I gotta tell you, I supported the hell out of some small businesses last night, after vowing earlier in the day that I wasn’t actually going to do any shopping at all. Funny how that works after a glass or two of wine.

I usually do a little bit of Hexmas shopping for myself, it’s true. Receiving gifts is nice, but as I’ve said before, it’s pretty unlikely that (unless you’ve given someone a detailed list, which I think is kind of lame and I refuse to do it) no one is going to get you EXACTLY what you want, so you’d better just take care of it yourself!

We are traveling to DC for the winter holiday this year, which means that whatever shopping I am doing for anyone–including myself!–had better be done way ahead of time, and for me, a month ahead of time actually is pretty early. Now that I’ve got myself covered, I can start thinking about everyone else. Isn’t that what RuPaul says? Close enough.

See below for a list of some vendors that I love and who are running some really lovely sales and discounts right now*. As always, I would never promote anything that I would not spend my own money on, so all of these items are things that I have indeed purchased for myself. Just last night, actually.

*….psssst! Not exactly sure when these sales end!

megumi_2048x
Megumi dress from Altar PDX blackfriday17 for 20% houseline and 10% off everything else

thief and bandit
Cats in Grass dress from Thief & Bandit 25% off code: holiday25

 

WaningMoonDressmu1_grande

Waning Moon Dress at Witch World Wide, marked down 40% until Monday (no code)

il_570xN.1246917675_ncnm

Stay Soft tee from Babe Coven marked down 20% until Monday(no code)

harmony1_1024x1024

Harmony tee from Cat Coven 20% off code: YULETIDE

Sophi-8

IMG_23244

Bat cardigan and snakeskin leggings from Sophi Reaptress, 20% off code: smallbiz

RusFT-scarf-back700dress_large@2x
geisha-black700_1024x1024

Firebird wrap and geisha bag, half off at Baba Studio

goldengrove

I’m having this “In Memory Of” ring from Golden Grove engraved with my mother’s initials. It was not actually on sale, but I am including it anyway, because I bought it yesterday.

23668052_1979656578956154_6162285902249852928_n

A Hailstorm of Knitting Needles from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab arrived a week ago, so it’s not technically part of my frenzied consumerism yesterday, but no Hexmas list would be complete without an offering from their seasonal Yule collection.

I’ve never really been one for being out and about on Black Friday, as I don’t love the crowds (and I’m not certain I can think of anything I’d actually want badly enough to leave the house for!) but I get that sometimes people make a whole day of it, and that it can be a lot of fun. And blah blah, consumerist culture whatever–I get why some people have a problem with the day and all it represents, too, but as I get older I try to be much more mindful of not shitting all over the things that people like to do, so I’m not making judgments one way or the other. For myself, I feel pretty good about supporting trustworthy, talented small businesses and artisans, and that’s never a bad thing to do, right?

Did you go out yesterday? Stay in? Shop all the things? Did you actually by gifts for people other than yourself? Feel free to share in the comments!

 

Friday Fripperies: Her Kind Edition

Friday Frips

I have gone out, a possessed witch,
haunting the black air, braver at night;
dreaming evil, I have done my hitch
over the plain houses, light by light:
lonely thing, twelve-fingered, out of mind.
A woman like that is not a woman, quite.
I have been her kind.
–Anne Sexton

Bat cardigan from Sophie Reaptress $210 // Forest Blessings notebook from Katie Metcalfe $11.50 // Vampira tee from Local Boogeyman $36 // Witching Hour necklace from bloodmilk $250 // Witchcraft leggings from Camille Chew $39.99 // Wizardry & Witchcraft Eyeshadow Palette from Storybook Cosmetics $55 // Halloween Scents from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab $23 // Fashion Vulture hat from Evercrumbly & Witch $179* // Bill Crisafi witch art coffee mug at The Satanic Temple $25 // Spider mule loafers from Zara $35.90

*In between the time I started putting these fripperies together this morning and when I actually posted the whole list, this beautiful “fashion vulture” hat sold out! I had to keep it on here though, because seriously, have you ever seen anything so amazing? In the meantime, check out all of their other gorgeous hats, they are awfully magnificent. (I bet I knew who bought this, hee hee! Was it you? Let me know!)

Friday Fripperies, Resistance Edition: Olfactory Activism From Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab

22429661_137276613581395_7391497691164835840_n

On this week’s Fripperies For The Resistance…!

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab are purveyors of fine esoteric goods, perfumes, and potions–and if you’ve spent any amount of time with me, or reading my blog here, then no doubt you already know all about them. But for those who may be unfamiliar with this marvelous perfumery, here’s the gist: Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab has mastered the art of encapsulating allegorical ideas into singular olfactory experiences, and they specialize in eliciting emotional responses through perfume and creating unique, masterfully molded scent environments that capture legends and folklore, poetry, and the stuff of dreams and nightmares. TLDR; they make you stink real pretty in the most amazingly creative ways.

And not only do these singular scent slingers work long hours, toiling away to create compelling fragrances inspired by your favorite ghost stories/mythologies/comic books/horror movies/holidays (that would be Halloween, obviously,) for which to make your olfactive aura beautiful! The do-gooders at Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab also put in a great deal of time and personal attention in the attempt at making our world a better, more beautiful place, with many years of activism, community involvement, humanitarian work, and ongoing fundraising efforts and events under their belts.

About these efforts, my dear friend Elizabeth Barrial, owner of Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, shares:

“Since the day we first opened our doors, helping support and strengthen marginalized communities has been of paramount importance to me. At Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, we have never shied away from our civic duty, and since the inception of the company, we have made it a point to do everything within our power to support organizations that provide emergency aid and disaster relief, support environmental and conservation causes, help the homeless, protect civil liberties and reproductive rights, and offer succor to the LGBTQ community and marginalized ethnic, racial, and minority religious groups. It is our way of helping to protect and provide for our communities, and we feel it is our obligation as human beings to help those who may not be empowered to help themselves.”

Jeanne d’Arc, Albert Lynch

Jeanne d’Arc, Albert Lynch

BPAL currently offers a line up of scents inspired by Nasty Women and those who would persist; by courageous federal employees who risk their careers to ensure that the public is kept informed on issues of climate change; by those ceaselessly fighting injustice and hatred and bigotry. Scents to bolster courage as you refute ignorance and insincerity; scents to encourage kindness and compassion; scents to provide relief and recovery to those imperiled by disastrous circumstances. The proceeds from all of these scents go to such organizations as the ACLU, NCTE, Planned Parenthood, Emily’s List, NAACP, the National Parks Conservation Association and the National Park Foundation, as well as hurricane disaster relief efforts, and below you will find the descriptions and links to all of their current philanthropic, fundraising fragrances.

Alternative Facts: The truth hurts — so why tell it? Muffle the blow with Alternative Facts. If you truly want to obfuscate what you really smell like, this is the scent for you! Sugar-crusted vanilla, a firecracker-blast of cherry and sour lemon, a hint of scuttling spiders, encroaching fog, and trumpets of bombast, bluff, and bluster. Proceeds benefit the American Civil Liberties Union.

Fake News: A scent of misdirection, of 140 frantic characters typed out in spite at 3am, and paranoia-clouded churlish accusations hurled at perceived enemies: crushed pink pepper pod, bitter white tobacco, gnarled patchouli, all covered in glinting, garish slashes of gold. Wear it in vigilance as you sift through the memes, trolls, clickbait, hate-speech, and outright propaganda that continually threaten to overwhelm all the world’s kindness, wisdom, and informed expertise. Wear it in courage as you refute ignorance and insincerity at every turn — even from our nation’s highest-ranking figures — with indisputable facts from well-researched sources. Proceeds benefit the American Civil Liberties Union.

COVEFE: Is it abstract nonsense poetry? Surrealist performance art? Cryptography so subtle and devious that it would make an Enigma machine blush? This perfume makes no fucking sense: orange marshmallow cream, bitter lemon, black pepper, orange carnation, and gin.
Proceeds benefit the American Civil Liberties Union.

Nevertheless, She Persisted: A rallying call: golden oudh, frankincense, iris, and steel. Proceeds from this scent benefit EMILY’s List, an organization that supports electing pro-choice Democratic women to office.

Nasty Woman: “Such a nasty woman.” black fig and patchouli, filthy bourbon vanilla, honeyed amber oud, and loukhoum. Proceeds will be split between Planned Parenthood and EMILY’s list.

Irish Coffee Buttercream: Irish whiskey, granulated sugar, brown sugar, whipped cream, buttercream and coffee, and Spiced Rum Buttercream Coffee: Coffee and rum laced with allspice, nutmeg, clove, star anise, cardamom, and cinnamon gently whipped into buttercream. Two cheery, uplifting scents slated for a future, 2018 coffee-theme release which instead became emergency fundraiser scents in order to take an immediate stand to fight  the reinstatement of the unconstitutional, immoral, and unnecessarily cruel US military ban on transgender people. Proceeds benefit the National Center for Transgender Equality and the American Civil Liberties Union.

Take a KneeThis is the scent of apple pie, as American as it gets, and a smudged grass stain. Taking a knee…this isn’t a protest of America itself, its flag, or anything that this country stands for. It isn’t disrespectful of the US military. On the contrary, it is the acknowledgement that we as a country can do better, that we must do better, and that we must renew our commitment to fight for equality and justice for all. Proceeds benefit the NAACP.

Theoi Nomioi: The National Park Service refuses to be muzzled. On January 24th, South Dakota’s Badlands National Park social media team defiantly posted a series of climate change facts from the National Wildlife Federation before being shut down. The Theoi Nomioi are the gods and spirits of the wild: the countryside, the pastures, the forests. Under their auspices, untamed nature thrives, the beasts of the wild feast and multiply, the mountains reach to the heavens with their stony, snow-capped fingers, and the forests grow thick and dark with mystery. Proceeds to the benefit National Parks Conservation Association and the National Park Foundation.

Single Note: Flor de Maga The national flower of Puerto Rico. The proceeds of this scent support the Hispanic Federation’s Hurricane Maria relief fund.

And last but certainly not least, The Collected Poetic Works of Antonin Scalia, the “federal court’s beat poet of indignation and right-wing rage.” We’ve had myriad political figures throughout US history that have possessed acid tongues, but few in the modern era have provided such a constant stream of colorfully vitriolic superlatives as the Sick Burn Champion, the cranky, flamboyant, inimitable Antonin Gregory Scalia.

Proceeds from Ask The Nearest Hippie (patchouli, hemp, smoky vanilla bean, and cannabis accord), Jiggery Pokery (pink pepper cotton candy with a sliver of orange peel and a hint of vanilla cream), Looming Spectre Of Unutterable Horror (raw frankincense and tobacco absolute with Russian leather, blackened champaca, bitter clove, red patchouli, bourbon vanilla and petitgrain), Mummeries and Straining-to-be Memorable Passages (rosemary water with lavender, blackberry, Italian bergamot, and white musk), Mystical Aphorisms of the Fortune Cookie (almond fortune cookies and a bit of roadside palm reader-inspired incense), and Pure Applesauce (mashed apples with sugar and honey, slivered with tobacco tar and black tea) are donated to the Southern Poverty Law Center, the Trevor Project, and the National Center for Transgender Equality.

Find Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab: website // facebook // instagram // twitter

I haven’t sampled all of these scents, and more importantly, I don’t want my opinions on them to overshadow the fact that these scents exist in the world, doing good in the first place, so you won’t find reviews here today… but feel free to ask questions in the comments if you wanted my thoughts on any of them, and I will do my best to fill you in!

Are you a creator who gives a damn? Are you aware of artisans or indie businesses speaking up, reaching out, and creating art or goods to express outrage with injustice, promote anti-hatred, or which encourage safe spaces in their communities? Please let me know about them for future Friday Fripperies!

Previous frips for the resistance:
⚔ Resistance Insignia Pin From The Creeping Museum
⚔ “Neo-Nazis Not Welcome” From Cat Coven
⚔ The Watchful Eye Amulet From Chase And Scout

Friday Fripperies, Resistance Edition: Resistance Insignia Pin From The Creeping Museum

product_image

On this week’s Fripperies For The Resistance…!

The Creeping Museum is the nonprofit creative vision and labor of love conceived between two friends and a grilled cheese sandwich in a North Portland laundromat in the spring of 2016.  Their remarkable mission? To help artists and independent creators give back to their communities by turning their strange and unusual work into tiny pieces of affordable art in the form of collectible enamel pins– for which to support wonderfully worthy causes.

The visionary creeps responsible for this collaborative venture involving spooky wearable art and a commitment to making the world a better place are Alyssa Glass and Layla Sullivan.  “At The Creeping Museum,” they insist with infectious enthusiasm, “the gallery is you!” The Museum’s collection of tiny art can be found creeping on the lapels of art lovers from coast to coast and around the world, and each sale of these mini masterpieces benefit organizations such as Bat Conservation InternationalThe Library Foundation, or The Worthy Pause, just to name a few of their chosen causes.

product_image (2)

Released by The Creeping Museum in March of 2017, this 1.5” vintage-style shield brooch, either in Shining Armor Silver, Classic Victorian Gold, or Lucky Copper Penny, with black enamel features a sword inspired by Joan of Arc’s coat of arms against a bouquet of deadly nightshade (which, according to lore, was used to honor Bellona, a Roman goddess of war), and watched over by a tiny bat.

20% of proceeds from the sale of each pin will be donated to the Southern Poverty Law Center, in support of their fight against hate. The balance of proceeds will be used to support The Creeping Museum’s nonprofit mission of helping artists give back to their communities by turning their work into tiny, affordable editions to support worthy causes.

product_image (3)

According to co-founder Alyssa Glass,

“I created the “Resistance Insignia” design as a personal act of catharsis shortly after the 2017 presidential inauguration; I needed a wearable daily reminder that I wasn’t going to let hate and bigotry win without a fight.

There’s a handwritten positive affirmation hidden inside each package – I feel like we need all the positivity we can get right now, and sometimes it’s therapeutic for me to have to sit down and think of lots of positive messages for strangers. (I didn’t think that anyone would ever see or read them, but I’ve actually received some really moving notes from people who said that the secret messages found them at the exact right time.) It’s also comforting to know that all over the world, people are wearing the pin and taking strength in its message. I’ve spent a lot of 2017 feeling hopeless, and being able to use this project to raise money for both the Southern Poverty Law Center and our own Creeping Museum projects (like our Little Free Library and miniature gallery) has given me a way to feel like I’m at least playing a tiny part in standing up against a tidal wave of hatred and daily outrages.”

product_image (1)

RESIST BLOGHow does one go about styling this empowering accessory? Check out my suggestions, above! As always, click here, or directly on the image for a full listing of the items used in the ensemble.

product_image (4)

Bonus! Are you writing letters to your Congressmen, Senators & Representatives? Whether you’re looking for just the right stationery for penning notes to your elected officials, or want to surprise a loved one with a little bit of inspiration in their mailbox, these sets of 4×6 inch Resistance Postcards are the perfect reminder to keep fighting the good fight. Each set includes four different designs: three new drawings by Layla Sullivan plus a postcard version of our their Resistance Insignia pin.

20% of proceeds will be donated to Planned Parenthood and to the Virginia Garcia Clinic, an Oregon health center that provides medical care to migrant and seasonal farm workers and others with barriers to receiving health care.

Find The Creeping Museum: website / instagram

Are you a creator who gives a damn? Are you aware of artisans or indie businesses speaking up, reaching out, and creating art or goods to express outrage with injustice, promote anti-hatred, or which encourage safe spaces in their communities? Please let me know about them for future Friday Fripperies!

Friday Fripperies, Resistance Edition: “Neo-Nazis Not Welcome” From Cat Coven

notwelc-big_1024x1024

To continue spotlighting creators who give a damn, today on Friday Fripperies: Resistance Edition, we are featuring Cat Coven’s “Neo-Nazis Not Welcome” designs, which you can wear proudly emblazoned across your chest on a fantastically fierce red on black tee shirt, or, if you prefer, the same fearsome design in the form of a portable patch to decorate and designate your bags or jackets as a FUCK OFF NAZI SCUM zone.

100% of profits from this design are donated to Make the Road New York (MRNY), which is a grassroots organization in NYC that fights for Latino and working class communities, including: “workers’ rights, tenant rights, LGBTQ justice, youth power and policing, public schools and education justice and immigration justice.” Learn more at http://www.maketheroadny.org

shirt1_1024x1024

Remarks Cat Coven’s Kjersti Faret:

“I created this design in response to the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, VA. I was so angry – it’s 2017 and Nazis are still alive and well in America. Since Trump’s election, bigots have felt safer voicing their hate. I’m fortunate enough to live in a liberal NYC bubble, which protects me from much of this direct rhetoric. However, I wanted to acknowledge this horrible phenomenon in the best way I know how: drawing about it.”

My previous charity designs have focused on love and healing, but I wanted this one to express my rage. The imagery of the cat attacking the snake paired with the phrase “Neo-Nazis Not Welcome” shows anger while still cultivating a safe space. I hope it inspires and empowers others to speak up against ignorance and hate.

How might one style this powerful statement tee? I have some suggestions for you, below!
As always, click here, or directly on the image for a full listing of the items used in the ensemble. Also included with these selection is Chase and Scout’s Watchful Eye Amulet, featured here, previously.nnnw

 

Find Cat Coven: website / instagram / facebook

Are you a creator who gives a damn? Are you aware of artisans or indie businesses speaking up, reaching out, and creating art or goods to express outrage with injustice, promote anti-hatred, or which encourage safe spaces in their communities? Please let me know about them for future Friday Fripperies!

Friday Fripperies, Resistance Edition: The Watchful Eye Amulet From Chase And Scout

Solid_White_BG

Going forward, and for the foreseeable future, for our Friday Fripperies feature here at Unquiet Things, we will be spotlighting creators who give a damn. Today the focus is on Elle Green of Chase & Scout (previously interviewed here) and her Watchful Eye Amulets–proceeds from which will be donated to the Southern Poverty Law Center. The Southern Poverty Law Center actively works at many levels to promote equality, continue the fight for civil rights, reduce prejudice and to expose hate groups and domestic extremists working in America.

Garnet

Of these Watchful Eye amulets, Elle poignantly writes that:

“Sometimes the simple act of direct acknowledgement can help to diminish the power of hidden malevolence. We turn on lights to dispel shadows and symbolically banish ghosts, to drive back the things that hide in the dark.”

These pendants are made of sterling silver and natural gemstones, each is handmade and they hearken back to the ancient tradition of wearing a talisman in the shape of a watchful eye to deflect darkness directed by others.

Moonstone

I asked Elle to share with us the impetus of this passion project, and she expressed that personally, “the climate this year has felt like one outrage after another, just so much to process every day. Who ever thought we’d see Nazis marching in the streets literally trying to kill our friends and neighbors? When Charlottesville happened, like everyone, I was stunned and shocked, but then I was angry. I felt frustrated and angry that seemingly nothing I could do on my own would make an impact.

“…like most people, I spend a significant amount of time working and I can’t always lend a voice in person to the causes that mean a lot to me, so I’ve decided to donate proceeds from a small batch of handmade evil eye pendants to the Southern Poverty Law Center, ” Elle concludes.

Turquoise

25% of the profit from each amulet will be donated to the Southern Poverty Law Center to help keep a watchful eye on hate groups and their actions in our communities.

Each amulet is made of sterling silver and is hung on a 20″ dark stainless steel chain, eye measures 1.25″x 1″. You can choose your own stone–amethyst, green agate, garnet, moonstone, onyx, and turquoise–and each is handmade, no two are identical. And, as Elle, notes, these are very specially priced, as this is a passion project and not profit driven.

The Watchful Eye Amulets from Chase and Scout can be purchased here.

How might one style this watchful talisman? I have some suggestions for you, below!
As always, click here, or directly on the image for a full listing of the items used in the ensemble.

watchful eye

Find Chase and Scout: website / instagram / facebook

Are you a creator who gives a damn? Are you aware of artisans or indie businesses speaking up, reaching out, and creating art or goods to express outrage with injustice, promote anti-hatred, or which encourage safe spaces in their communities? Please let me know about them for future Friday Fripperies!

FIX YOUR HEARTS OR DIE

fixyourhearts_1

Do you know about my amazing friend, Lau? That’s not her name, per se, but I have a bad habit of referring to people whom I first met on the internet, by their internet moniker–even long after I have actually met them in person. At any rate, a Lau by any other name would be just as amazing, and I want to share something she’s created recently which I know, Know, KNOW will resonate with so many of you.

{P.S. Lau is the fantastic eye + brains + talent responsible for the the design of Unquiet Things!}

“Fix your hearts or die”. I get chills whenever I think of this beautifully devastating sentiment, courtesy David Lynch’s character, Gordon Cole, expressed to badass transgender DEA agent-turned-Chief-of-Staff,  Denise Bryson. After more than two decades of working her way up to a position of authority in a hostile environment which hasn’t always accepted her, it was such a fantastic, empowering moment to see her in that huge office of her own, behind a stately desk, addressing Cole as an equal, and or, if memory serves correctly–as his superior

In their short scene together in the Twin Peaks revival, Cole points out that Denise didn’t have an easy road to her new title.

“When you became Denise,” he reminds her, “I told all of your colleagues, those clown comics, to fix their hearts or die.”

As someone more eloquent than I remarked, “It’s a surprisingly affecting moment, showing not only a former superior addressing his mentee-turned-boss but also seemingly Lynch himself addressing the situation of a marginalized character in his own universe.”

When I heard those now iconic lines uttered, I knew deep in my heart, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that it was to be a passionate notion that would resonate with so many people, and within hours–on twitter, instagram, facebook, blogs, think pieces, etc–it was tenderly, joyously, triumphantly resounding far and wide.

“Fix your hearts or die”. My eyes brim with triumphant tears every time these words echo across my heart. And now, thanks to Lau & RECSPEC, I can wear it emblazoned across my chest. 

The shirt is $25 and 10% of all proceeds go to Casa Ruby, the only Bilingual Multicultural LGBT Organization providing life saving services and programs to Transgender, Gender Queer and Gender Non-conforming Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual people.

Curious as how to style this shirt? I’ve got some ideas for you, below. As always, click on the image for a link to all of the items used. And if you’re looking for a righteous, empowering scent to accompany it, you should take a look at Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab’s “activism” tag, where they offer fragrances to specifically raise funds for the American Civil Liberties Union and National Center for Transgender Equality, as well as, Planned Parenthood and EMILY’S list.

hearts

 

Friday Fripperies: Depop Edition!

Depop

Aha! So, I guess I tricked you. There’s fripperies here, to be sure, but it’s all my old frips that I’m trying to get rid of! Yes, like every other person on the planet, I too, have opened a wee depop store. Inside you will find mysterious baubles and supernatural face paints and fancy stinks and witchy clothes with which to garb your naked bod!

Also, I’d like to point out, that as a person who often wears L or XL garments, on these “sell your old stuff” sites, there’s always a marked dearth of those sizes in coveted brands like, oh, say, blackmilk or Deandri. Secret: you’ll find them in my shop!

And who knows, your purchases may fund my next edition of Friday Fripperies! (As an FYI, and if you didn’t know…for the most part, like maybe 75% of the time if not more, I try to only feature here items that I have purchased for myself and that I can vouch for. )

Are you over on depop? Comment with your shop in the comments and I will be sure to check yours out as well! In the meantime, be sure to follow mlleghoul on depop for updates!

Friday Fripperies {Summer 2017 Edition}

Friday Fripperies

 

1. Tenebrae Eau de Parfum by L’Artisan $210  // 2. Moth ring by Paul Hagerskans $102 // 3. Moonstone spike earrings at Loved to Death $140 // 4. Deathling tank by AJ Hawkins $35 // 5. Old world florals tote by Jessica Roux $20 // 6. Lonely label Penny briefs $42.49 // 7. Klairs mochi bb cream cushion $22.80 // 8. Grey balloony dress from JoozieCotton $50 // 9. Melissa Creatives wedge sandals $49.95

 

Valentines Gifts From The Imp Of The Perverse

308ba942f30cc8fc6db86eced29251bf

I know I sound pretentious when I say this sort of thing, but I’m not going to apologize. Most Valentines Day stuff is just really dumb. How many cloying cherry cordials can you possibly choke down? How many generic versions of trendy diamond jewelry can your gullible significant other be convinced to buy? (Can I just tell you how much I loathed those diamond circle necklaces from 2007 or so?) How many goddamn teddy bears can one adult person hide in their closet?! Ugh, no thanks.

Personally, the surest path to my heart is to appeal to my love of the absurd and the imp of the perverse perched perpetually on my shoulder. If, you, like me, get off on a sense of sublime silliness, here is a small list of things of can purchase for yourself, or, if you’re feeling generous, I suppose you could gift to a similarly-inclined loved one on this ridiculous holiday. But you should probably just make them buy their own gifts.

Fascinus1

Fascinus Pin and Lupercalia Zine from Wormwood & Rue / Heretical Sexts

Learn about the ancient Roman holiday of Lupercalia and get your own winged-peeny Fascinus pin to keep away the evil eye! At Wormwood & Rue, $16

71Vi1cFzeuL

They Call Me Naughty Lola

They Call Me Naughty Lola is an an irresistible collection of the most brilliant and often absurd personal ads from the world’s funniest – and most erudite – lonely-hearts column. I firmly believe that no coffee table should be without this little book of surreal haikus of the heart (especially if dark, dry, self-effacing, British humor is your thing.) $12.99 on amazon.

SHUNGA-WEB2017-lovers-embrace-under-a-cock-kimono

Lupercalia at Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab

Every year I look forward to Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab’s Lupercalia collection, and their outrageously bizarre Shunga scents, in particular. I can’t wait to field questions of “what’s that gorgeous fragrance you’re wearing” with answers along the lines of, “…oh this? It’s called “Lovers Embrace Under a Cock Kimono’,” or “…oh, you like it? This is ‘Kitten with Shamisen Daydreams of a Phallus Palanquin’.” These limited edition scents are $24

chakrubsgroup_3

Chakrubs

I am intensely tickled (sorry…had to go there) by the idea of healing crystal dildos. I’m also a little terrified of them. What if it breaks? What if it breaks INSIDE ME? Yeesh. I get freaked out thinking about it. But they are really rather beautiful and I love the idea of placing a few of them strategically around the house as display items. Mostly so that I can tell people that they are holding a dildo, should they ask me about it. If you can’t tell, I long to make people intensely uncomfortable. (I think it’s the flip-side of being a people pleaser, to be perfectly honest.) These quartz pleasure wands will run you $114 and up at Chakrubs.

1 2 3 6