Archive of ‘how to wear’ category

How to wear: the Autumn Equinox

At The End Of Day (by paddy on flickr)

 I remember you as you were in the last autumn. 
You were the grey beret and the still heart.
In your eyes the flames of the twilight fought on.
And the leaves fell in the water of your soul.
-Pablo Neruda

Ah, autumn! You of the grey beret and still heart. The low, whistling winds through the branches, the blazing cascades of gold and russet leaves, the nights creeping longer and colder…

Every year, around the beginning of September, my heart skips a beat – just one small, lone beat – when I think of autumn. For a brief, flickering moment, I somehow manage to forget that I no longer live in New Jersey and I begin to look forward to the cool shift in the weather, the subtle changes in the afternoon sunlight, and the the scent of embers on the breeze from chimneys or piles of burning leaves. And then, suddenly, I remember I am back in Florida with sticky sweat pooling in my cleavage on a 92 degree mid-September afternoon.

This is the only time of year that anyone will ever hear me talk about missing New Jersey.

So as you can imagine, it is business as usual down here in the swamps.  Further north, when folks are pulling down their wool peacoats from storage and unpacking cabled sweaters and knee high leather boots, I am still bumming around in my flipflops and tee shirts (but let’s be real, I love my flip-flops). I don’t love, however, missing out on those beautiful cardigans and ribbed tights and fair isle scarves and all sorts of wonderful autumnal pieces that make up my very favorite sort of dying-year ensembles.

For now, I’m afraid, all I can do is daydream. And so, for the Autumn Equinox, see below for several  – and there are quite a few – autumn wardrobe inspirations and flights of fancy. I can’t say that any of this is particularly “stylish” (ugh, I hate that word) or on trend, but who cares about that dumb crap, anyway? If you like it, wear it! Anyhow, these are all pieces that I find quite beautiful, with rich harvest colors and luxe textures and deep, lush prints.

As always, click through the image for a polyvore page with complete item details.

 

 

 

 

(What to wear) Upon greeting Death

Richard Avedon | ‘In Memory of the Late Mr. and Mrs. Comfort’

Greet death
with your hands in your pockets,
slouched back, cool,
collected, and confident.
Wear a hint of a grin
and a dash of cologne.
Say What took you so long?
Say You’re behind the times, man.
Say Dead is the new black.
Coffin is the new condo.
Pallor is the new tan.
La vida muerta.

-“How To Greet Death“, Gabriel Gadfly (excerpt)

In Gabriel Gadfly’s How To Greet Death (one of my very favorite poems), it is suggested that in the event that you should meet your maker, wear a hint of a grin and a dash of cologne; another stanza adds in a pair of your father’s cufflinks and your mother’s wedding band.

Not bad, but I think we can do better.

Getting outfitted for the last moments of one’s life is an intensely personal business, but I think that to begin and end with every mother’s insistence of a clean pair of underwear is doing yourself a great disservice and perhaps selling yourself a bit short. If you’re indeed rendezvousing with the Grim Reaper, leave a lasting last impression as make your exodus!  Of course, do include the clean underwear, as well.

See below for a handful of ensembles to leave Death gasping and goggle-eyed as you shuffle (or skip, or meander, or leap, or whatever your manner of leave-taking may be) off this mortal coil. As always, click through the image for a complete listing of the items in each set.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What to wear: Melancholics on Holiday

Here we are nearing the end of August, and many of you are packing up your blackest swim outfits and bundling up the velvet parasols into storage to gather dust for another season.   The summer sun feels hottest and strongest now, but it’s sputtering and fading, you’ll see. There are probably only a few good weekends left for a seaside frolic or a picnic at the lake before the slant of light through the trees bends ever so golden, and the air starts whispering autumn tales of falling leaves and All Pumpkin Everything.

(Well, of course, everywhere except here. We get one day of fall in Florida, and that usually happens for six hours in mid-January.)

Make the most of it while you can! Get out of the house while it is still warm, before the frigid winds slash through the dark, endless nights and the marrow of your bones ices over! See and be seen!

Whether excavating Fiji mermaid remains, reading Dion Fortune in a dim-lit sea cave, or exploring the abandoned ruins of a haunted beach resort you will no doubt find below the dark ensemble to perfectly complete this summer’s final melancholic holiday.

As always, click on the image for a full listing of the items.

 

How to wear a date with a monster

Hellraiser Frank and JuliaWe’ve all been there. It’s Friday night, you’re tearing up your closet–shoes strewn all over the floor, blouses crumpled and flung all up in the ceiling fan. You’re growling and muttering anxious curses, butterflies flapping their stupid wings in your guts… and you just don’t know what to wear on your first date with that super cute wolf man who works in accounting.

No, seriously, he’s a wolf man. He’s in the accounting department. You walked past him a million times before and never noticed him until he nearly bit your face off that one time when you were both working late during last month’s full moon.

And now he’s asked you out to dinner!

It’s the age-old dilemma, isn’t it? What to wear on a date with a monster? I mean monsters, they’ve seen it all, right? Some have been around for millennia and certainly have been around the block a time or two. How could you, a mere human, possibly hope to wow or impress one of these dastardly fiends? Never fear, I am here to help.

See below for some fabulous wardrobe suggestions for dates with your savage sweetie or beastly bae, whether you’re sexing up the swamps, inviting them home to flay your folks alive, or just spending some quality time together destroying a major metropolis.

As always, click the link or the image to find out more about the individual items listed.

Blind date.

creeper

Date night with Frank.frank

Date night with Godzillagodzilla

Date night with a werewolf

howling

Date with Death.

nothingness

Date night with Swamp Thingswamp

 Date night with a bear who used to be a man but his ex was a sorceress. Long story.

bear

 

Date night with a wolf who used to be a bear who used to be a man.wolfman

How to wear…a gothic romance novel

Image via mylovehauntedheart

On rainy midnights do you ever find yourself curled on the sofa, reading a worn paperback with a cracked spine, the shadowy darkness of the tattered cover providing the backdrop for a beveled tower, backlit by the moon and away from which a pale faced and wan young woman flees, her ruffled peignoir trailing and tangling behind her?

What is this poor, doomed lady running from? Could be any number of gothic romance tropes – ghosts, phantoms and strange sinister spirits. Abandoned monasteries, isolated castles. Brooding, mysterious gentleman. Wild, turbulent love and bitter betrayals.  Fearful family curses.  Dreams, illusions, obsessions, murders.  I mean…what isn’t she running from, right?

And do you ever find yourself wondering…“what would I wear if I were running in her shoes?”

Well, nothing practical or suited for running long distances, I can assure you!  See below for an array of ruffles, lace and dark baubles with which to bedeck yourself should you find deeply entangled in a highly atmospheric, possibly historical and definitely creepy love affair with a sweetheart who may or may not want to kill you.

Be sure to click through the images to visit the polyvore pages where you can find information on the items shown.

midnight

forbidden

shadows

phantom

enough

 

 

Not into gothic romance? Not to worry – I’ve got you covered! Below are some bonus wardrobes for lovers of pulp and general weirdness.

piggy

satan

weirdo

 

 

How to wear: Your favorite tarot deck

How to wear a tarot deck header
Another entry in my ridiculous “How to wear” category: How to wear your favorite tarot deck.

You have packed up all your cold-weather clothes and are no doubt simmering with equal parts resentment and bewilderment (also, literally simmering because it’s hot AF outside) as you survey your scant summer wardrobe–for you, a child of bleak and dreary days, are far more content to cloak yourself in layers of darkness during the winter season than you are to strip down in the hot weather to one-piece rompers and accentuating with those dreadful “pops of color” that fashion magazines and beauty bloggers blather on about.

Curse you, evil day star! Why must you shoot your hateful heat-lasers at us? These legs haven’t seen the sun in six months, it’s not safe to wear shorts! Our delicate shoulders prefer wraps and shawls and leather jackets covered with super cool enamel pins! Who can we turn to for advice on building our wardrobe for these heat-blasted days? Where can we find a fashion forecast that won’t leave us feeling disgruntled and stabby?

In our search for more esoteric style inspiration, let us not rule out a more mystical, metaphysical approach. Perhaps through a bit of practical prognostication and pattern prediction we will reveal cosmic trends that resonate with us on a deeper level. In doing so, as universal ideas and corresponding symbols unfold before us, we can interpret intuitively that which speaks to us as sacred and divine and integrate it into our summer capsule wardrobe!

The tarot is brimming with rich, iconic symbolism and gorgeous imagery of the mysterious world of our unconscious, so why not look to the art of your beloved divinatory tools for outfit expansion this season? See below for suggestions from some of my treasured tarot decks, incorporating the old-world, melancholy elegance of David Palladini’s Aquarian tarot, the otherworldly intensity of Lady Frieda Harris and Aleister Crowley’s Thoth tarot, and finally, the neon WTF-ery of Oliver Hibert’s eye-meltingly psychedelic tarot deck.

Fortune-teller fashion? Sybil style? Psychic chic? Oracle aesthetic? Who knows–perhaps we will start a trend of our own. 2016, the summer of visionary vogue.

The Aquarian Tarot, art by David Palladini.

aquarian

 

The Baphomet Tarot, art by H.R. Giger.

baphomet

 

Tarot of the Cat People, art by Karen Kuykendall

catpeople

 

The Bohemian Gothic Tarot, created by Alex Ukolov, Karen Mahony

gothic

 

Manara: The Erotic Tarot. Art by Milo Manara

manara

 

The Fantastic Menagerie Tarot, art by J.J. Grandville

 

menagerie

 

The Phantasmagoric Theatre Tarot, art by Graham Cameron

phantasmargoria
The Thoth Tarot, created by Aleister Crowley, Frieda Harris

thoth

How to wear…dramatic jewelry

Allow me to reiterate: I think “how to wear” columns are dumb.

HA! I said it. It’s true. They are dumb.  But, as I confessed to my sister the other day: 80% of my daily broodings revolve around how I think I could have done something better than someone else did it (she promised to diagnose me at a later date)… and so I sometimes have to jump into the fray of dumbness just so I can do a better dumb.

Today we have…how to wear DRAMATIC JEWELRY*! And by dramatic, I mostly mean ridiculous. Who else is going to show you how to style a resin lobster necklace, right? Isn’t that why you came here today?

*Please note – some of these selections are more “art” than “wearable accessories” as they are one of a kind, gallery pieces
.

Tatty Devine Giant Lobster necklace at 6000AD

 

lobster


Märta Mattsson beetle necklace

beetle

 

 

 Phases of the moon necklace at Army of Rokosz

lunar

Claw necklace by Sian Edwards

claw


Fretwork Sword Necklace by Eina Ahluwalia at Boticca

scimitar


Elaine Ho necklace
 (this may be sold out)

knife

 

Spacecrab choker by OS Accessories

crab

Philippe Audibert Riviera Necklace

baubles

 

 

How to wear a tee shirt

Now I imagine most people reading this blog are of an age where they can dress themselves and their wardrobe choices are no longer monitored closely or chosen for them.  You’re all probably folks who know what you like and have a snazzy sense of style and you don’t need someone – especially someone whose idea of formal attire is a polyester turtleneck with psychedelic mushrooms dancing all over it – giving you fashion advice. Fair enough.

So don’t consider this a “how to wear” column.  Even though that’s what I titled it.  I don’t mean to be confusing!  I’m simply sharing a few really cool tee shirts here and how I might style them, for folks like me, whose wardrobe is somehow 140% tee shirts and who can appreciate a fantastic, casually cut cotton top with killer graphics on it.

Please note that not everything here is budget friendly.  Actually, there is not a single item listed that is budget friendly…except maybe the tee shirts themselves.  I will not apologize for my exquisitely expensive tastes! Clicking on each ensemble will take you to a polyvore page with a listing of each of the items featured.  And of course there is a perfume paired with each!  I mean why bother even getting dressed, otherwise.

Dracula tee shirt at bookriot.com

 

Windom’s Queens tee at skreened.com 

twinpeaks

 

 

Spider Baby tee at The Great Tee Shirt Store

spiderbaby

 

Weird But Nice tee at Buy Me Brunch

weird

 

 

Electric Wizard tee at Rockabilia ( sold out, apparently, but probably found elsewhere)

wizard

 

 

Zombie Rave tee at Phantasma Disques

zombie

 

 

London Sorcery tee at The Orphan’s Arms

sorcery

 

 

Looks That Kill tee at We Love Fine

misfits

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