Planner headerI spent some much-needed quality times with my sisters over the Thanksgiving holiday. We sat in companionable silence, ignoring each other in favor of our various quiet pursuits while eating mass quantities of junk food–and it was utterly glorious.

I snapped a photo of my baby sister’s afternoon pastime (forgive me, she’s in her late 30s now, but you know how it is–the youngest is always the baby. I’m the oldest, if you didn’t know!) She was earnestly carving out time in her planner for this, that, or the other thing, and while she was doing so, I snapped a photo and shared it to Instagram. It garnered such an interesting response! Some folks were much like me, in that we can’t be bothered with planners, but still find the concept and execution fascinating. Some people thought it was quite a work of art! And others were keenly interested in learning more, for they too, yearn to make sense of their schedules and set things to order.

She and I decided that it might be fun for her to put together a little guest blog for the New Year, when everyone is trying to pin down their plans and get organized for 2018. See below for her journey from a sad, struggling soul who felt like life was something that happened to her, to a woman with purpose …and plans! She discusses regaining a feeling of control and a sense of empowerment through the use and implementation of her planner (and all of the little gadgets and doohickeys that make planners so much fun! Or so I hear. Still not a convert tbh.) And additionally, we have a bit of a Q&A, wherein I encourage her to spill the beans on all of the incidentals and details and accompanying planner fripperies.

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The late May sun was just starting to set in the west; another day in the deserts of Southern California was drawing to a close, exhausted by its own unending heat. The pinkish-gold glow of the sky made the brownish lumps of the San Bernardino Mountains (piles of god-shit, as I sometimes sourly observed) against that sky curdle and hulk in surly, resentful, passive existence.

At that moment, though, I could scarcely register the brilliant sunset or the hulking mountains; my eyes kept blurring with tears.

I was driving my colleague, Dustin, home from a work party. He kept glancing over at me in vague dismay–this snivelling, exhausted, melancholic woman in the driver’s seat was a hollow echo of the brash, boisterous colleague with whom he had become familiar. He knew I was experiencing a bout of depression, but he didn’t know the causes–such as my own failure to execute basic acts of self-care (LIKE TAKING MY ANTIDEPRESSANTS), the fact that, despite my knowledge of my husband’s repeated infidelities, I had just committed with him to a 30-year-mortgage on a house in a place that I hated more with every passing minute. I would grow old in that house, with that man, and life–if I could call this existence “life”– was simply happening to me, with neither my consent nor my dissent, nor any effort on my part to steer things. I was good and trapped–so I thought.

Like any man who has no profound emotional attachment to a person, Dustin simply wanted me to stop crying. He tried to cheer me up. “Do you have something nice to look forward to? You should make some plans. Everyone needs something to look forward to.”

I tried to pull myself together. I stopped snivelling (on the outside, at least), and carried on with my evening, but I had heard Dustin’s words, and I didn’t forget them in a hurry. Or ever.

Not long after that, I started to plan.

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My immersion into “the planning community” has been very gradual. In 2012, 2013, my forays into “the planner life” consisted mainly of weekly lists and goals, broken down into categories. But I was lacking a grasp of the big picture (who am I kidding? I still am), and I knew it wasn’t enough. I flitted about from one planner to another, not ever quite finding the right fit for me (I know now that “the right fit” has a name: “Planner Peace.” Go on, roll your eyes. I’ll wait.) But in early 2014, my Middle Sister directed me to The Life-Changing Magic of Erin Condren, and by extension, “The Planning Community.” What can I say about Erin Condren Life Planners? They aren’t everyone’s cuppa, but they are mine. They aren’t hideously expensive, but they aren’t cheap, either. These customizable planners have helped me organize my life (I currently juggle three jobs and try to have an active social life), direct my intentions, energies, and projects, and generally just help me stay on top of things. I like being busy and productive, I like setting goals, I like checking things off my lists, and if you think that I am the type of person that would schedule sex in my planner, well…I’m here to tell you, if I actually ever bothered to have sex, I absolutely would.)

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Since using Erin Condren, I’ve noticed more and more that life is no longer something that happens to me. More and more, day by day, I happen to life. I’m not saying that joining “the planning community” got me to divorce my husband, find a new job (or 3) , move across country, and build a whole new existence–but I AM saying that these accomplishments of mine were a hell of a lot more easily achieved through maintaining a planner and a planned life.

Recently, I traveled down to Florida for my annual Thanksgiving jollifications with my sisters and their partners. From Orlando with Middle Sister to Daytona with Eldest I traveled, and it wasn’t until I was getting settled into the captain’s bed in Eldest’s office that I realized I had left my planner behind in Orlando.

Not long after, Eldest’s partner observed, not without amusement, “Your sister’s been without her planner for half an hour, and she’s a bit of a mess.” I had to chuckle; it was true. As soon as I realized I was without my planner, I promptly began making a to-do list for the next day on a piece of scratch paper. It wasn’t my planner, but it would have to do.

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“It’s the ritual, I think, that you need as much as anything,” Eldest observed. And she’s right! On Sundays I light some candles, play some music, drink some wine, and plan my week ahead. In the mornings, I settle down with some coffee and contemplate what needs to be done in the hours ahead. It’s a ritual, a routine that helps me feel like I have agency in my own life. The sense of control is fictional, of course, but the planner in my hands, the intentions, the goals are very real, indeed. The Black Dogs of my depression and my anxiety–not discussed here, but no less potent for that–are longtime companions of mine, and I’ve found some ways to manage their less-than-cherished company.

Some folks laugh at me, I think, for trying to plan and stay on top of things, but I know now: planning is my way for me to perform self-care when I am anxious. It’s my way channel my energy and to try to give my struggling, sometimes sad life some intention and purpose. I invite you to find a way to incorporate planning into your life to achieve your own kind of comfort and care.

MB

Q&A

You mention Erin Condren planners–what makes them so great?
Well–and bear in mind, everyone is different in what they like and need in a planner–for me it’s that the EC planners have a certain amount of regimenting, and a certain amount of customization. (And space for lists–every week, every month, and at the back of the planner.) Each year, the designs change in response to what people ask for, and each year, they just keep getting better!. When I first started using EC planners, they were only vertical layouts, non-time-slotted, with chunks for morning-noon-and-night, Now you can get horizontal or vertical layouts, time-chunked or non-time-chunked, and you can decide how your days and priorities and projects are broken down and planned out. Furthermore, there is plenty of space and ways for folks to get all artsy-fartsy and shit.

Plan out you typical day for me!
Okay, so, I use the Erin Condren vertical layout planner, which is divided into three sections. I use the top section for my scheduled stuff, the middle section for my to-do list, and the bottom section for self-care/adulting stuff. So, here’s my Monday:

Schedule:
📖 7:30 AM Labwork at Clinic
📖 8:30-5 PM Work
📖 5-6:15 Run to campus, grab dinner
📖 6:30 Movie with Joelle
📖 8:30 Go home, do chores, putter, etc.

To Do:
📖 Pick up library books
📖 Renew professional membership
📖 Fold laundry
📖 15 minute clean
📖 Work on packing
📖 Text my friend Jo

Self-Care:
📖 Take pills
📖 Journal
📖 Hail hydrate
📖 Continue Dryuary Project
📖 Cuddle Cats
(For the record: I am in the middle of moving, so pretty much all of my energies are focused on that, and not so much with anything beyond the very basics of self-care. Long-term goal: Get better about that.)

How do you differentiate or prioritize different kinds of plans? Need to do vs. want to do?
For me, to a greater or lesser extent, everything is a NEED to do! But I tend to categorize my plans and to-do lists and action items and routines: Work, Health, Home, Social Obligations, Correspondence, To Buy, To Read, General To-Do Errands, Project Steps, and then under each category, try to list stuff in order of descending importance.

What are some of the other planners currentpopular in the “planning community?” What are some “planner trends” right now?”
📖  BuJo (Bullet Journaling) was HUGE a year ago. (I tried BuJo, but it was too time-consuming.) This year, it’s Travelers Notebooks. Both of these are more customizable than your manufactured planners.
📖  Other planners that seem to have quite a devoted following are Passion Planners, Plum Paper Planners, and Kikki K Planners
📖 
PenGems, I’m told, are a thing, although I suspect that they could be more a flash in the pan.
📖 The planning world, much like the makeup world and the crafting world, is one that responds to the free market, as far as I am concerned. If there’s an interest in it, then by god, there are products to fulfill your interest!
📖 Planner Conventions

I know there’s some facebook pages (and probably LJ communities and reddit groups, etc.) dedicated to “the planner life”, what can you tell me about them and the communities built around them? How do you find them helpful?
📖 Again, it’s going to depend on what you need. Do you need inspiration for ways to plan out your ECLP (Vertical)? Do you need to be reassured that you are not the only one with 7+ planners? (You’re not.) Are you just going through some shit and need to reach out to someone? There are many, many different planner communities out there, but I would suggest for a general, and gentle, introduction, Planners with Manners would be a good starting point, and they can direct you to other, more specific groups.
📖 BohoBerry, a really fantastic lady who has a website/blog about creative goal setting and bullet journaling, has a tribe, which includes a facebook group; I’m actually really excited to look into this more. She also encourages a lot of journaling and self-reflection.
📖 
Lisa Marie Landreth, of Paper and Glam, designs her own planners and stickers, and runs a bit of a planning community and book club. She might be a bit feminine and conventional for many folks’ tastes, but I find her to be very earnest and sweet, and her “glam family” seems to grow every month.
📖 
“MAMBI” (Acronym for the brand name Me and My Big Ideas) produce “Happy Planners”, which I actually use as a bit of a scrapbook (there seems to be quite an intersection between the planning and papercrafting communities), and the Facebook Group Mambi The Happy Planner Divas focuses on that particular brand. And of course there’s always the We Love EC Facebook Group for the Erin Condren fans out there!

stickers and pens

I’ve peeked through your planner and have seen all kinds of wacky decorations–what’s that all about?
STICKERS, dude. It’s all about the stickers. There are so many different stickers that will help you theme and customize your planner, day, week, month, Gallifreyan regeneration cycles, whatevs.

Do you have any planner recommendations for readers of Unquiet Things? I think you know our aesthetic. I think you referred to it once as “dead people stuff.”
Cor blimey, that’s a tough one. Because I feel guilty about type-casting folks. I mean, here I am using those cutsie-pootsie stickers from Switzerland, but then I am listening to Dropkick Murphys and contemplating the feasibility of open relationships as I plan my month. So, folks can be a bit…eclectic in their tastes? But then again, I am a liberal librarian who rejected California for Indiana and says “dude” and I am also burning a Bath and Body Works candle and drinking some Starbucks coffee as I plan, so perhaps some tastes will out and folks are hard to pin down, so hey hey y’all, let’s make some assumptions…
ANYWAY. Customizing planners is one of the big things in “the planning community”, so I would say that Etsy shops that supply stickers, covers, and charms according to the aesthetics that I am PRESUMING y’all have, would be something I would recommend.
Naked Eye Studio on Etsy unfortunately only has a few items up for sale, but some of their stuff would be PERF.

Find more of my baby sister: blog // instagram

 

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Films 2017

This is really just an excuse to share with you the Google docs list that I have been updating for myself of all of the film and teevee that I’ve been feeding into my eyeballs over the past year. I tried, when I remembered to do so, to add the dates in for when I watched the individual things. Also, I am a terrible movie reviewer, so there isn’t much in the way of additional thoughts here, though I have put a * next to the ones I really enjoyed, and would recommend. (Though if you want to read mini reviews on anything I watched in October–and there was a lot!– go over to Haute Macabre and you’ll find it all there: Part 1 //  Part 2.)

P.S. If you read all the way to the end, you’ll see I have listed some upcoming movies that I am very excited for. What about you? Any favorites from this year? Anything you are looking forward to in 2018?

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January

1/2 Gone Girl
1/3 The Girl On the Train
1/5 The Good Neighbor*
1/6 I Am Not A Serial Killer*
1/7 The Fearless Vampire Killers
1/9 Rusalochka*
1/10 Train to Busan*
1/12 The Skeleton Twins*
1/14 The Happening
1/15 Zootopia
1/15 Tangled
1/16 Goosebumps
1/26 Absentia

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February

2/1 Trouble Every Day
2/2 Blair Witch
2/3 The Love Witch
2/4 Dracula (re-watch)
2/6 The Editor*
2/7 The Village
2/10 VHS
2/26 Get Out*

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March

3/5 Ouija: Origin of Evil
3/9 Don’t Breathe
3/20 Salome’s Last Dance
3/23 Song of the Sea*
3/28 Prevenge*

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April

4/1 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
4/1 Rogue One
4/2 Ghost In The Shell
4/3 Moana
4/8-4/11 Taboo*
4/15-4/16 Steven Universe*
4/16 The Void
4/26 Fortitude*

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May

5/19 Kimmy Schmidt
5/21 The Black Coat’s Daughter
5/22 The Girl With All The Gifts
5/23 American Gods
5/? Samurai Gourmet*
5/? Midnight Diner: Tokyo Stories*
5/? Jordskott*

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June

6/3 Wonder Woman*
6/8 Phantasm III
6/17 Star Trek
6/22 Raw
6/24 Frankenhooker*
6/? Riverdale*
6/29 A Dark Song
6/30 The Belko Experiment

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July

7/1 From A House On Willow St
7/3 What We Do In The Shadows (rewatch)
7/4 Kong Skull Island
7/5 Attack On Titan Season 2
7/6 Lake Bodom
7/17 Split
7/20 Logan
7/22 Martin*
7/23 Creepshow
7/26 Dawn of the Dead*
7/29 Zeder*

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August

8/3 The Lure*
8/6 The Killing
8/13 The Fall
8/24 Broadchurch*

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September

9/9 10 Cloverfield Lane
9/10 Lavender
9/16 Lord of the Rings trilogy (again)
9/23 mother!
9/25 Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind (rewatch)
9/30 Body

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October

10/1 Shelley
10/2 The Transfiguration
10/3 The Haunting of Julia*
10/4 High Tension
10/5 Dark Signal
10/6 Jacob’s Ladder
10/7 Pet Sematary
10/8 The Asphyx & Last Shift
10/9 The Whip and the Body
10/10 I Am A Ghost
10/11 White Zombie
10/12 Under The Shadow
10/13 Dragula Ep 1&2
10/14 P
10/15 Devil’s Backbone*
10/16 Devil’s Backbone (it took me two days to watch this)
10/17 Shiki, Corpse Party, When They Cry
10/18 The Vampire Lovers
10/19 Blood And Roses
10/20 Slumber Party Massacre
10/21 Kill Baby Kill
10/22 Maximum Overdrive
10/23 John Dies At The End
10/24 Le Manoir du Diable
10/25 The Devil’s Candy
10/26 Audrey Rose
10/27 American Horror Story: Cult
10/28 Shivers
10/29 Repulsion
10/30 Channel Zero: Candle Cove
10/31 Stranger Things

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November

11/12 Scream Queens
11/20 Exorcist

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December

12/2 Broadchurch
12/5 Exorcist*
12/7 Vikings
12/14 Thor: Ragnarok*
12/16 Howl’s Moving Castle (rewatch)
12/17 Dark*
12/24 Star Wars: The Last Jedi

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Looking forward to:

The Lodgers
A Wrinkle In Time
Annihilation
Winchester
It: Chapter Two (still haven’t seen Chapter One, oops.)
The House with a Clock in its Walls

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Today I am a little bit weepy. Folks who have been internet-friends with me for a long time may recognize this glamorous dame, whose eerie, enigmatic visage was a substitute avatar for my own face for many years, in many online haunts, because I was too timid to use my own.

I first found the image on Netflix, in 2006. A thumbnail sized mystery upon which I immediately fixated, deeply fascinated. I sought its source for years and had almost given up, when, in 2009 I found her in the @nypl digital archives and discovered her name: Maria Germanova, of the Moscow Art Theatre. This fantastical image is from The Blue Bird, (L’Oiseau bleu ), a 1908 play by Maurice Maeterlinck, in which she portrayed (what I can only assume) is Russia’s most outrageously gorgeous witch. You can read about my discovery over on ye olde tumblr.

When I learned that I could buy a print of my beloved sorceress, I was over the moon, my heart was glad to bursting! But then, friends, at the height of my raptures, tragedy struck, when I realized that I could no longer find her on the website. A melancholy madness took hold. Or, if we’re reigning in the melodrama a bit, I got a case of the mopes for several months. Just last week, though, Jess at bloodmilk came to the rescue and found her for me again (thank you!) and I placed an order for an archival print right away. I wasn’t going to let her get away this time! And now, here she is, and we shall never be parted. Stately and dignified with a bunch of books on top of her. Just like I treat all of my loved ones.

If you would like to support this blog, consider buying the author a coffee?

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Goat Mountain in Big Bend National Park // Photo by Matt Smith
Goat Mountain in Big Bend National Park // Photo by Matt Smith

I’m taking the liberty of declaring 2018 the year that we celebrate that we are, indeed, made of starstuff! And as celestial & extraterrestrial beings, why not dress in all the sublime, scintillating colors and textures and spangles of the cosmos– as glittering hosts of heaven, resplendent in our divinity!

And if all of this is too much for you too swallow, please note that I have a miserable head cold and my noggin is aching so much, that I am literally seeing stars. You have to take inspiration where you can find it, you know?

At any rate! Below you will find several ensembles inspired by the stars, the planets, the interstellar wonderland of our luminous night sky …and sometimes this inspiration takes strange forms, such as outfit ideas influenced by avant-garde photography, man-made star projectors, and bioluminescent tides! [EDIT] you can no longer click on the image to find the details for the apparel and accessories for each collection, as the site I used to make them sold itself and the info is no longer there. Hopefully you’ll at least find some inspiration here, if nothing else!

How To Wear The Night Sky, Look 1

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How To Wear The Night Sky, Look 2

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How To Wear The Night Sky, Look 3

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How To Wear The Night Sky, Look 4

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How To Wear The Night Sky, Look 5

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How To Wear The Night Sky, Look 6

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How To Wear The Night Sky, Look 7

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How To Wear The Night Sky, Look 8

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How To Wear The Night Sky, Look 9

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How To Wear The Night Sky, Look 10

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fevernest collar

This article was originally published on Haute Macabre on January 4, 2018.

Goats that gracefully gambol across a waistline, miniature moths fluttering about one’s throat, delicate alpine flora blooming across an expanse of  vintage lace–these are just a few of the eerie, elegant motifs one might find adorning both the artwork and clothing stitched by the patient, gentle hand of textile artist Elsa Olsson, aka Fevernest.

fevernest goat belt

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After studying textiles for a number of years and learning a multitude of varying embroidery and weaving techniques, it was cross stitch that Elsa returned to, again and again. “The challenge,” she confides, “lies not in the technique itself, but more in the patience that it requires.” She enjoys the slowness and precision of the craft, the building of patterns in tiny pixels– a timeless method of building shapes and figures. In in a world where so many things are reliant upon speed and efficiency, Elsa emphasizes, it is both grounding and meditative for her to work as slow as possible, instead.

fevernest goat collar

Noting cinematic influences, Elsa is inspired by silent films for their creative play with silhouettes and shapes, as well as, old horror movies, costume dramas and psychological thrillers for their somber moodiness. “When I work with larger pieces that are not clothing” she fancifully divulges, “I often find inspiration in older/antique objects; my mind wanders off to what their story is, who the previous owner/owners were, and what tale the object would tell if it could speak.”

Fevernest blouse

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I am especially captivated by the beautiful vintage dresses onto which Elsa’s exquisite embellishments bestow new life–each garment seems to rustle and whisper with myriad haunted secrets and memories. A self-described “hard-core perfectionist”, she tells me that a  great deal of time goes into searching for objects and garments to use for her work, and that she prefers to use second-hand and vintage pieces for environmental and humane reasons. Working on linen, cotton, and viscose, she favors shapes and pieces that are timeless and quite simple to begin with, when planning out how to enrich these charming gowns with her cunning designs. And further, she declares…

 I want the people who wear these pieces to feel beautiful, strong, and empowered in them!

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Elsa’s Instagram account is awash witha gorgeously restrained sense of elegance and tender grace: shadowy and dusky-hued photos of her artful stitchery, her curiously cozy home, and her splendid furry companions. These soft, quiet moments and spaces may have been your gateway to her world of uncommon needle craft creations, as it was mine.

“I spend quite a lot of time and energy into how I present and shoot my garments, I want everything from the packaging to the photos to have the same vibe, so I am always very happy when people appreciate that! Instagram is a wonderful platform for me and I think about 95% of my customers find their way to my shop via that forum.”

When asked if she has any favorite Instagram accounts she might like to share, Elsa enthusiastically replied:

“I have also made so many friends and collaborations that have started off there. There are so many favorite accounts and people that I love following; among textile artists there are two who I really adore and admire–memorialstitches and adipocere (featured previously on Haute Hacabre). I also love lillistorm for her beautiful nature and animal photos. Two other artists that I enjoy following are goodyhoran (also featured previously) and kathleen_lolley.

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In 2018, Elsa has some very exciting projects coming up, and should no doubt be of great interest to those amongst you who wield a needle, yourselves! “I have been working on a book with cross stitch patterns that I hope will be finished and released before the year is over,” Elsa discloses. “It’s sort of like an old pattern book but with an occult/folkloric theme.” Now I am definitely keen to learn cross stitch, myself!

She is also looking into expanding her etsy shop with some textile prints on home interior goods, which will be a way to make some more affordable pieces as a compliment to the hand-stitched work that she offers there. Elsa hopes to have time to work on larger installation-type art, as well. She wishfully notes that it would be great to do an exhibit in the states; so far she has only shown her work in Sweden, where she resides but, she continues, “most of the people who buy from me are from USA, so it would be great to be able to bring my work there in the future… but we will see!” Elsa concludes, thoughtfully, “as an artist it is always a struggle between time and money, but I am really grateful to be where I am today and to be able to do what I do.”

Find Elsa Olssen/Fevernest: Instagram // Etsy Shop

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It is likely that in the year 2015, you know someone involved in the death industry. You may have a friend going to school for funeral services or have an embalmer or mortician in your circle of acquaintances. If you don’t know anyone involved in the eternally bustling business of death, it is possible that you know someone – a relative, an ex, a wretched high school Algebra teacher – who has passed away. And if not that, you are all too keenly aware of your own mortality and have spent no small amount of time fretting about the idea that yep, you’re gonna die one day.

Perhaps it is this last, irrefutable fact that is so integral to the revival that the hitherto taboo topic of death is experiencing of late. As evidenced by the popularity of New York Times best-selling memoir Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory by mortician Caitlin Doughty, people are ready to start challenging their fears and misconceptions, move past their death anxieties to death acceptance, and connect with others who are doing the same.

Or they are at least ready to start reading about it!

Nonetheless, this “Death Positive” movement is being embraced by those who would hope to explore their relationship with death socially, culturally, and  – most importantly – on a personal level.

I had the opportunity to speak with five women passionately involved in this vital conversation; women who seek to educate our repressed society regarding the various facets of death and how to cultivate a relationship with death that is liberating, humanizing, and ultimately, life-enhancing. From mourning and memory to pathology and the intricacies of the human body, from the meaning of a “good death” to The Order of the Good Death and The Death Salon – we invite you to read further, learn much, and meet the new faces of Death.

Death Salon: Mütter Museum on October 4-6, 2015.
Death Salon: Mütter Museum on October 4-6, 2015.

Sarah Chavez is a museum curator and historian who writes and recreates historical and cultural recipes for her blog, Nourishing Death, which examines the relationship between food and death in rituals, culture, religion, and society. She is also co-founder of Death & the Maiden, which explores the relationship between women and death by sharing ideas and creating a platform for discussion and feminist narratives. She is the executive director of The Order of the Good Death and serves as the Social Media Editor for Death Salon. Sarah is also an author and advocate for improved care and support of families experiencing infant and child death and was a contributing author to the companion book for the Emmy nominated film, Return to Zero.

S. Elizabeth at Unquiet Things: How did you become interested in death, and how did that lead to your current role in the death industry and as a death-positive activist?

Sarah Chavez: As a Mexican-American I was fortunate enough to be exposed to very death-positive attitudes. My Grandmother, who is very vivacious, speaks about death frequently and planned her funeral early. For years she has told me what songs she wants played or what color limo she should rent for the family to ride in, exclaiming, “It will be such fun! Darn it, I’m going to miss it!”

I spent my childhood on sound stages watching countless deaths being meticulously created over and over again. When an actual death occurred on a set my father was working on, it completely altered everything. Observing the subsequent aftermath of this incident revealed a lot to me about the strange lack of relationship we have with death and dying. It was only reinforced more throughout childhood, and as an adult, when my questions and interest in death and dying were consistently met with negative, uncomfortable responses.

When I began working professionally with history, death was something I could explore in a more socially acceptable way. Although much of my work is solitary research, a large part of it was also sharing that research with the public in an accessible, entertaining manner through public engagement events and through social media. It was through social media that I – and so many others working with death – were able to connect, which led to what I’m doing today.

photo by Eli Papayanopoulos
photo by Eli Papayanopoulos

What drew you to your particular profession?

When I see people or objects, or even a street corner, they have fascinating, hidden stories to tell – and I want to know what they are! My love of history was actually sparked by culinary history. There was a cookbook in our house that recipes with the origin stories of each dish, which I find fascinating.

With my food and death research I am working to tie the historical and cultural research (the past), to practical ways we can use food to honor death, dying, mourning, and memory (present and future). In writing about history, being a museum curator, and working with the Order of the Good Death and Death Salon, it allows me to do everything I love and work with the most amazing individuals.

What do you want people to take away from the work that you do?

Helping and comforting someone is what I hope to accomplish the most and there’s a big part of me that likes to provoke and challenge people intellectually and emotionally. I put a lot of thought and care into what I choose to share on social media. I posted a piece that elicited a response from a man whose parent had died. He and his family were carrying around guilt and confusion about the death, but after reading that piece he understood his experience was normal and not his fault. He could finally come to an understanding and be at peace with what happened. I see responses like that quite a bit. If I can help people, support them or even teach them something, that is most important.

As for Death & the Maiden, which I created with the wonderful Lucy Talbot, it explores the large role women are currently playing in death care. A large part of our intention was to provide an inclusive space to highlight the work and experiences of those individuals, (female, genderqueer, non-binary) but also as a place to inspire.

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What are some of the most common misconceptions you’ve run into about your job, and to a larger extent, the death industry in general? What do you do to disabuse people of those notions – or not?
In my museum work, and I think this is in small part a symptom of location, it’s that a woman is not capable.

As for the death stuff, people are often confused at first. Death is something everyone experiences yet, they know nothing about it. I can’t tell you how many jaws I’ve seen drop when I say something like, “Embalming is not a legal requirement.”

The issue that seems to cause the most strife is the way we handle grief in our culture and the lack of ritual. People are rushed through the process and told to move on. Consequently, grieving people are forced to hide how they feel and are isolated in their experience of loss, just when they need love and support the most.

Many people find working with the dead or talking about death creepy, macabre, morbid – how do you enroll those people into the conversation?

Really, everyone loves a good story so I use that to my advantage; by contextualizing death in telling the story behind an artifact, a favorite food, a piece of clothing, or a person, I can tie death into pretty much anything. Through the story I can evoke empathy or emotion and once you’ve tapped into that, people are pretty open.

What I find often is that people desperately want to talk about death. I am often taken aside and pulled into quiet corners where I become a sort of vessel for people to pour their fears and curiosity into.

Can you tell us about the death community in your area, is it welcoming and/or responsive to what you are doing?

There is no death community where I am currently living, so I’ve tried to create opportunities for conversations or experiences myself. I slip in death-themed stuff at the museum whenever I can. Last year I created a school program where I talked about the pioneer experience of children their age including deaths along the way, how would they deal with the corpses, things like that. I also created a hands-on Cabinet of Curiosities exhibit for kids with bones, taxidermy specimens, biological specimens, some Victorian mourning jewelry. This creates an opportunity for kids to experience and talk about death.

What is your role within the Order of the Good Death, and can you tell us a little bit about what you talked about at October’s Death Salon?

My day-to-day role is a supportive one: answering emails, handling social media, promoting the work of fellow Order members – a lot of little things like that, but I also get to be creative. I help generate content for the Order blog or do research for videos, which is a lot of fun for me.

For Death Salon: Mütter Museum, I wanted to explore what happens when one of the most death positive cultures in the world deals with one of the most tragic events imaginable – the death of a child. I encountered this practice for the first time while I was in Mexico doing research, not long after the loss of my own child.

It is believed that when a child dies before the age of 7, they transform into a supernatural being – a sort of hybrid between a saint and an angel called an angelito. The child then acts as a mediator between the living family and God. Family, friends, and neighbors all gather to celebrate the child and surround the family with love and support for the next 24 to 48 hours with food, drinks, and fireworks that accompany the child’s ascent to heaven.

Although I don’t hold the same beliefs, after researching and learning about the angelito rituals, I felt comforted and understood by my ancestors. In Mexico, I was surrounded by representations of death – in music, art, food, conversation – my loss was acknowledged, and I did not feel the need to hide my grief or feel guilt for upsetting others as I do here in the US. That is something I want to change – this culture of silence, which is why I am finally sharing my story. In my small way, I too, am breaking that silence.

Death Salon: Mütter Museum on October 4-6, 2015.
Death Salon: Mütter Museum on October 4-6, 2015.

What can we do to open up the conversation on death? To not just increase awareness of it, but to make more sense of death and dying and allay our death anxiety?

This is work that each individual must take up of their own accord. Read, meditate, talk, engage with life. Death is so much a part of life and by engaging with death you will discover ways to live more fully.

The next thing is raising death positive children. Mind you, you cannot do this if you haven’t done the work yourself. Read fairy tales, play outside – these things offer engagement with death on levels children can relate to and readily engage in.

How have your views on the afterlife affected your involvement in the death industry, or vice versa?

I’m absolutely fascinated with beliefs and “experiences” of the afterlife. I studied parapsychology through the Rhine Research Center for a couple years, but I don’t believe in an afterlife where our consciousness continues to exist.

However, our corpses have an opportunity for an afterlife. We can advance science, learning, and understanding by donating our bodies to science or continue another’s life through donation of our organs. We can be naturally buried and facilitate new plant growth, be a diamond, part of an ocean reef, or even be a firework! I really encourage people to contemplate, research, and plan for the afterlife of their corpse!

And lastly, what is your ideal death scenario – your dream death, as it were?

Painless – and I mean that physically and emotionally. It is important to me that everything is planned and accounted for so there are no questions or burdens on loved ones. Shirley Jackson, my favourite author has written very few books, and I’ve read all but two. I put them aside to read at the end of life, so I have something wonderful to look forward to.

(This article was originally posted at Dirge; the site is no longer active.)

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Interviews

In late summer of 2016 I was invited on board as a staff writer for Haute Macabre, a website and dark lifestyle/culture resource whose aesthetic I had long admired and whose blog posts I had been fervently following for many years. As you can imagine, this was right up the alley of one who describes her style as “goth-adjacent” and “must love cats and darkness”–and so of course I jumped at the chance to provide content for them relating to art, and perfume, music, literature, witchy wonders, and marvelous magics.

Below are some of my favorite interviews in 2017 with Artists, Creatives, and Visionaries who I was thrilled and honored to have spoken with and whose works and words I was entrusted to share with you. Thank you, a million times, to all of the creators who have given time to me this past year for these illuminating interviews, and I sincerely hope that 2018 will bring even more of these singular opportunities!

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The Shadow Is Me: An Interview With Jamie Mooers Of Burial Ground My exchange with one half of the creative vision that is Burial Ground, wherein we delve into matters of friendship and familiar comforts, dreams and inspirations, and the pleasures of losing oneself in the beauty of a November day.

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A Disquiet Of Dreams: Colette St. Yves An enigmatic collector of ephemera whose work recalls the foggy tragedies of a recurring dream.

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The Magic Of Earth And Thread: Fiber Artist And Knitwear Designer Caitlin Ffrench in which we discuss the origins of her art, her relationship with the land, and the deep magics found in both wearing handmade adornments and laying one’s self bare.

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A Glimpse Beyond The Veil: Jill Tracy Reveals The Secret Music of Lily Dale It is my extreme pleasure to share Jill’s eerie Lily Dale adventures and uncanny musical insights. Are there ghosts to be found here, of the musical sort, or otherwise? Read on to find out…

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My interview with Nocturnal Reader Box founders Vincent and Jessica Guerrero about their dark offerings in the form of a monthly subscription box for readers of horror, sci-fi, fantasy, and thrillers.

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Where The Magic Lies: An Interview With Karyn Crisis; the many layered presence of this supernaturally talented artist and intensely spiritual Shaman, Seeker, Witch, and Healer.

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Good With A Knife: The Papercut Art Of Ivonne Carley. An artist’s enthusiastic penchant for blades and fondness for sharpened edges translates into an elegant artistic medium for emotive storytelling.

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The Somber Poetry Of Dreams. The Collage Art Of Hidden Velvet deals in bittersweet contrasts of lightness and glooms, blooming, fluttering life and the stillness of death, and furtive dread juxtaposed against a serene sense of tranquility.

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Unfolding A Daydream: The Art Of Amy Earles The progression following an artist’s depiction of young girls facing the lurking menaces of childhood and transforming into empowered young women with agency, autonomy, and an awareness that they are in control of their own fates.

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A Woman With Power: Pam Grossman A spirited discussion with this independent curator, writer, and lifelong student of magical practices for her thoughts on witchcraft and the occult as it relates to art, activism, and anger, and what it means to be a woman with power.

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From Bibliophile To Bookbinder: An Interview With Nate McCall of McCall Company. Nate speaks with me about t his genuine love of books, the art and craft of bookbinding, and shared some distinctly exciting news for discerning bibliophiles.

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Ashley Rose Couture’s “My Dearest Dust” & Other Conjurations. I had been dreaming about getting a chance to chat with this fanciful visionary and innovator about her designs and inspirations, and it finally happened! AND early this item, I traveled to Boston to see My Dearest Dust in person!

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Seeing Stars With Mystic Medusa; wherein this astrological purveyor of sagacious observations, fantastic insight, and timely wisdom kindly indulges my nosy questions.

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The Serene, Savage, and Surreal Embroidery of Adipocere, a dark conjurer of thread and needle-based wizardry.

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Illuminating The Many Moons Workbook with Sarah Faith Gottesdiener. In which I speak with the creator of The Many Moons Workbook, a notebook and manual which imagines a world where witches, women, femmes, & weirdos make their dreams come true, and help others and the greater collective in service of their higher self and of spirit.

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Portals Of Power: KillDie’s Crystal Marys. What kind of person, you might wonder, would shatter the holy virgin’s face and stuff it full of quartz? Well, that would Kyle Montgomery of KillDie.

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The Imaginative Olfactive Magics of Solstice Scents; my chat with the creator of visionary indie perfumery responsible for these wildly imaginative aromatic enchantments.

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Delicate and Unflinching: The Art of Nicomi Nix Turner. An artist who explores Human and flora, fungi and bone, beetle and animal are examined in delicate, unflinching detail, and are at turns both lush and fiercely throbbing with life, and ripe and rank with death and decay.

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Artist, Chemist, Goofball: Catching Up With Tyler Thrasher. Tyler Thrasher is a hoot, and, while I don’t like to pick favorites, our Q&A exchange was high on my list of favorites this year! It was a pleasure to discuss with him topics ranging from creation in dark times, and the importance of curiosity, experimentation, and living your own goddamn story.

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Piercing The Veil: The Evolving Work of Caitlin McCarthy. I have been lucky enough to interview this talented artist in the past (see previously); we caught up again just this November to discuss a thrilling shift in her recent works.

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31 Dec
2017

January 2017 Empties

My problem, and I know I have rambled about this before, is that I am really good at acquiring new things, but I am terrible at actually using them–or rather, using them all up.

I’ve got three-quarters to half-full bottles and jars and vials and packets of products all over the place, but I never finish anything because I am suckered in by the idea that there is something newer, better, more *special* just around the corner…and so my stockpile grows, instead of diminishes.

This is kind of problematic. I only have a limited amount of space on shelves, and my funds are, unfortunately, not infinite. So to remedy this, I made it my business this year to try my best when it came to using what I already had, or as some beauty bloggers say, “shop your stash.” Which is not to say I didn’t make any purchases, I won’t try to fool you on that point, but I was very conscious about buying something only when something else was used up. Sometimes this turned into a “use one thing up, buy two more things”, but hey, no one is perfect, heh.

Here is a listing of all of the products I used up and emptied this year. If it was something extra special, I no doubt repurchased it, and I have tried to note when that happened– both to keep a record for myself, and for those who may be curious about such things!

January empties

February 2017 Empties

February Empties

March 2017 Empties

March Empties

April May 2017 Empties

April/May Empties

June 2017 Empties

June/July Empties

August September 2017 Empties

August/September Empties

  • ZenMed cleanser;  I liked this until I found something better.
  • Josie Maran argan oil body butter sample; I really like this but could buy the same thing from small, independent sellers, I think.
  • Kat Von D Sinner sample; I purchased the full bottle of Sinner, not because it’s super great – – I actually have something that smells pretty much exactly like it – – but I could not resist that dreamy bottle.
  •  Witch Baby Psychic bath bomb; my favorite from Witch Baby, always repurchase
  • NeilMed saline for cleaning a new piercing. It did the job.
  • Iope air cushion compact; didn’t I finish this last month? Whoops.

October November 2017 Empties

October/November Empties

December 2017 Empties

December Empties

  • Sunday Riley Tranquility Cleansing Balm; I love this exfoliating balm so much I kinda overused it and fucked up my face for a while. Still: repurchase.
  • LUSH Olive Branch shower gel; the selection of scents offered by LUSH that I actually like is rapidly dwindling. I settled for this one.
  • Kat Von D Saint and Sinner perfume samples; neither of these scents are all that interesting or innovative, but oh, those bottles.
  • Sister Spinster Flora Elixir; a flower essence formula “for connecting to abundant and divine nourishment”, Flora is composed of essences of anemone, wild iris, foxglove, rose, elderflower, lady’s mantle, belladonna lily, apple and olive in a rose and honey infused brandy. I don’t know if it “works”, but I really love this stuff. I will repurchase.
  • Montale Blue Amber decant; I tried a sample of this a very long time ago, back in 2005, maybe? Around the time I was first exploring my fascination with fragrance. I loved it at that time, this strangely sharp, intensely sweet, then slightly smoky, and all-the-while marvelously powdery masterpiece, and I was delighted to rediscover it when a kind friend sent me a small decant this year. I haven’t yet purchased a full bottle (lordy, those Montale bottles are hideous,) but once I find a good price, it’s going to happen.

So that’s it, then! I didn’t empty as many full size things as I might like, but I am going into 2018 with the same mission, so we shall see how it goes!

Did you keep track of your empties this year? How did you do? Did you uncover any duds, or discover a Holy Grail that you cannot live without? I’d love to hear all about it!

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29 Dec
2017

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National Cathedral; photo by vikinggoat

For the holidays this year we left the comforts of home behind and disappeared to DC for a few days, where my partner’s brother was hosting Christmas for the family. We had a lovely time, eating herring and schnitzel at Old Europe, taking in a show at the Kennedy Center, watching The Last Jedi (oh, Leia, oh, my heart), and mingling with posh people at parties. Well, maybe that last part was more nerve-wracking than lovely, but I survived it, fueled by the smoky magic of hangikjöt, endless steaming coffees, and lots of glorious chocolate cake. Despite the book in this photo, I actually had zero downtime, and there was not much done in the way of reading.

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As is my habit, I packed poorly for the weather, and the terrain, and for my comfort. I looked pretty cute, though. Here’s documentation of my travel attire for each day I was there.

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Shout out to my favourite pieces: shoes from fluevog, Megumi dress from Altar PDX, Thief and Bandit Cats In Grass dress, tunic from Shadowplay NYC, bag from Baba Studio, beads from bloodmilk, and that fantastic First Order scarf/shawl/wrap, which was a gift (not sure where it came from, but thinkgeek is my best guess!)

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On Christmas Day we walked up the hill to the National Cathedral for their Christmas organ recital and took in all of the gorgeous gothic spires and arches and buttresses and gargoyles and so on. It was a bright, windy day, and the cold inflamed my cheeks something fierce, but it was beautiful beyond words and absolutely worth it.

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Now that we’re home again, it feels as if time has stood still for a bit and Christmas hasn’t yet passed…which is weird because all of our neighbors lights have been taken down, and their inflatables lie limp on the lawns. Keep them up a bit longer for us, please! We are exchanging gifts, just the two of us, on New Years Eve–which will be a nice way to wind down from the flurry of our Christmas visit, and a prolonging of that fanciful winter magic connected to the holiday, and which seems to linger no matter how old I get.

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My best good friend left Orlando last month and is now living up north. I miss her desperately. We didn’t spend a lot of time together, just a day here and there every few months or so, but our time together was always so precious, and it was such a comfort knowing that we lived so close to each other! She recently sent me an exquisite glass spider with a belly full of galaxy, and every time my gaze falls upon it I ponder our strange, wonderful friendship, and comings and goings, and the passage of time–and marvel that I’ve been friends with this remarkable woman for nearly twenty years.

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Tonight I’m relaxing and getting ready to see 2017 out the door. I’m not planning out my 2018, not yet. There is plenty of time for that in the next week, right? I’ll probably have some “best of” and “favorites” lists to share in the next few days, but for the time being, some things I am loving right now or have recently enjoyed are:

✨ The Steven Universe soundtrack (still watching this show, still adoring it)
Dark on netflix; strange goings-on in a small German town.
✨ A Trip To The Stars; as good as everyone says, read it now
✨ Thor: Ragnarok – way less boring than the other Thor movies!
✨ My new snake charmer illustration from Tenebrous Kate (above)

Did you accomplish everything you wanted for the year? Or…even for the month of December? Well, how about for this week?  Did you discover any new loves this month, or receive some amazing gifts? Tell me all about it!

 

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