Friday night and the gang's all here
Friday night and the gang’s all here

It’s not exactly as if I am some sort of social butterfly, flitting busily from one charming engagement to the next. I’m really not that at all. I’m the anti-social, hermit….whatever the exact opposite of a butterfly is. Maybe sloth.  I am the anti-social sloth.

At most I will head into the next town once or twice a month to visit with friends and family, and to be honest, I am most of the time actually enjoying myself doing these things, spending time with these people. And yet even this is too much and it feels imperative that I shut myself away from the world every once in a while.  I don’t quite know why this is, but I suspect that sometimes even the thought of spending time around other humans is exhausting for me…especially on the weekend when I should be free to spend it however I like.  So even if I haven’t had a friendly lunch or a bookclub date or a party (eeek! ugh.) on the calendar for a while, it’s almost like I need to proactively mentally prepare for the possibility.

To begin, I set aside a weekend during the month, preferably one when I am going to be all alone.  As I live with a significant other, this is a rare occurrence. During this time I make no plans. No anything that involves me walking out my front door. A Fuck Off, World! weekend is all about the comforts of one’s own home. I make sure that the house is well stocked with grocery items because if I don’t even want to visit with my sister, you can be damned sure I don’t want to talk to a cashier for a market transaction as it relates to a dozen eggs or coffee or whatever. 99% of the time I won’t even answer my phone because what part of No Human Interaction and Fuck Off, World don’t you understand, for god’s sake?
This is serious business.

Your perfect FOW!W may vary from mine, of course, but I think there are some key elements that are pretty much the same across the board.

  • It must involve some form of entertainment.  Probably a few movies.  Perhaps there are some films you’ve been waiting to watch on your own as you know you cannot talk your boyfriend into watching another artsy horror film because when he walked in on you watching Possession he was nearly scarred for life.  Although really, what a grown woman and the writhing, pustulous grotesquerie to whom she gave birth do in an abandoned building on a filthy bed is their own business and who are we to judge, right? Anyway, so films.  For this particular weekend I am thinking Livide, Santa Sangre and Next Door.
  • Puttering. Pick up a book, put it down. Start to fold laundry, get distracted. Make half the bed, remember you put the kettle on, pick up that same book again. Finish knitting a sock. Try to take a nap, but become hypnotized by the shadow of the rosebush against the curtain. If you’ve puttered properly, by the end of the day you will have accomplished absolutely nothing.
  • Meals must be the trashiest things you can think of, something you would be utterly motified to have anywhere near your face hole in polite company. In ghost or alien company. In any company at all. It must be a transcendent combination and disgusting and delicious and you must eat it during this sacred time alone.

Actually, that’s about it. Less is more when it comes to a perfect FOW!W.  And with that, I am signing off. And you, you can fuck off.  Until Monday, and then we’re all friends again.

lau says

I love this. <3 I can't remember the last time I had one of those types of weekends.

Mel Wandering in the Desert says

So here is what I wonder: during these weekends, is your house clean, or at least relatively neat? I struggle with these kind of weekends if my surroundings aren't pleasant. I'd be curious to hear your opinion...

S. Elizabeth says

Well, that's what the puttering is all about. You are sort of tricking yourself into thinking that you are tidying up. I suppose you could probably do a FOW!W-lite.... during which productivity occurs. Those are good, too. The kind where you hole yourself up and finish the book you've been reading for a year, hang those pictures on the wall, cook a pot of chili , iron some clothes, and take care of some correspondence. Either one of those work for me, as long as the NO PEOPLE part is taken care of. That's really what this weekend is all about.

Pamela says

I think we all need a weekend like that once in a while. I too need to spend a certain amount of time alone, so I understand you perfectly.

Jen says

What you have described is the condition known as introversion, which is a-ok in my book, because I am one also. Seriously some of my favorite weekends just involved puttering and making scones. I highly recommend you get your hands on Quiet by Susan Cain, rather revelatory read for me. Keep up the FOWWs they are the best thing for you :-).

Mel Wandering in the Desert says

Now that the weekend is done, can you explain to the class what your menu was?

S. Elizabeth says

Oh, yes - of course! I took a four mile walk that morning with a friend and her cousin, so the weekend couldn't start properly until noonish at which point I promptly devoured Cool Ranch Doritos + Alouette Cheese spread. To be honest, that was as bad as it got.
I ate popcorn for breakfast the next day and publix sushi for dinner. Back on track with my oatmeal this morning!

LM says

I'm so glad I discovered your writing! And, Yes, you NAILED the glory of the FIW!W! I'm glad there's at least one person on the planet (aside from me) who craves these. I had (well, one day) planned a few weekends ago, and I was crowing to my friend about who excited I was to DO. NOTHING. She texted me that day, and said 'Being that you're not doing anything, do you want to have out today?) Gah! Have an amazing, hermity time!

S. Elizabeth says

Hi hello, I am happy you found me, too, and I am happy to (gently, quietly, tiptoe-dly) make the acquaintance of another hermit! I hope your friend got the hint and held off on making plans with you, hee hee.

Add Comment

Your comment will be revised by the site if needed.

Discover more from Unquiet Things

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading