2019
The Cruelest Cuts
categories: unquiet things
It’s funny how when you’re living in a present moment, it’s incredible easy, almost an automatic reflex to be cruel to yourself, just utterly savage. I was so happy when this photo was taken, ecstatic, even. A huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders just months before, and I was back among people who loved me. In spite of that, there are so many things I poked and picked and pricked at myself about. Too flubby in the bod, crooked teeths, frizzy hairs. Wow. Rude.
I see this photo today and just…marvel at how pretty I look. Why is it so much easier to show these kindnesses to a past version of ourselves? I’m trying to keep this in mind this morning and hold it close to my heart as I’m looking in the mirror, not pleased with what stares back. I’m trying my best to be kind to that person right now in this present, fleeting moment. I’ll never get this moment back again, you know? Now is when I need this love most. Not eight years ago. Not the faded me in a photograph. Current me, the one existing this second. Who knows how many more seconds are allotted to me? I can’t waste them being mean to a person who did nothing wrong but look in a mirror and just wish to see something nice.
Melissa Kojima says
So sorry you're going through this. I am experiencing this too. As I get older, it seems harder to be kind to myself about my appearance. I too found some old photos of myself and remembered how awful I thought I looked way back then. But in the photos, I was really adorable and I wondered why I didn't know that at that time. I've started to just tell myself I'm good enough as I am and it does seem to help. Sending you good thoughts. Know you're not alone.
Elle says
Self Love is hard, but yes, be kind to your past and present self. Personally I think you're astonishingly beautiful inside and out. It gets easier, promise!