22 Jul
Goths at the Gym. Photography: Matías Uris Rey

I am a woman who likes her ghost stories and her soft core lady vampire movies and her occasional Viking metal or haunted cathedral music. I’ll give up my black clothes when they can find me a darker color. I dislike activities that involve sunlight and the possibility of other humans looking at me.  I can’t muster much enthusiasm for anything that makes me sweat or restricts my indulgences.  I am not peppy.

Diet and fitness blogs don’t seem to exist for people like me.  And yet, I think, people like me are inevitably the sort of black-hearted, lazy folk  who might find themselves in need of such resources.  But not the cheery RAH-RAH-RAH sort of diet/fitness/weight loss blog that seem to be de rigueur in certain circles, filled with clichéd claptrap encouraging you to love moving your bod! and nourish your soul! and blah, blah, baloney forever.  I need my motivation served subtle (you almost have to trick me into it) with a soupçon of snark and a sizeable side of spooky.  I’ve tried googling “goth weight loss blogs/goth fitness blogs” and I know I made mention in a previous post of a BLACK METAL DIET blog – but neither of those adequately describe what I am looking for.  I am not, nor have I ever been all that gothy. I listened to Iron Maiden in high school for pete’s sake, and if I recall there was a distinct rivalry between folks who listened to Iron Maiden and Slayer and those who listened to The Cure and Nine Inch Nails. So 20 years later I feel like calling myself a goth would be some sort of betrayal to Bruce Dickinson.

So I guess I am sort of weird and I don’t quite fit in anywhere. And that’s the direction I’ve decided to take with this.  Every once in a while, when I decide to get chatty about my progress, I’ll be using the “weight loss for weirdos” tag. I would say “you have been warned” but you’re here anyway so you may as well read it.

SO, I am going to share two of my WEIGHT LOSS FOR WEIRDOS tips with you this evening.

1. Bedtime Yoga + MORTIIS

There is nothing, NOTHING so important as bedtime and a sound sleep and 8+ hours of epic dreams.  Before tucking in for the evening, I turn off the lights, turn down the bed and do maybe 5-7 minutes of bed time yoga right on my mattress  (you can find some poses here and here, I personally like the goddess pose and the spinal twist). I am cranky and irritable if I have a difficult time falling asleep, but I have found that since starting this, routine? regimen?  I am usually asleep within 10-15 minutes. Bonus points: Mortiis’ Fodt Til Å Herske album is perfect to have playing in the background while you are stretching and slipping into sleep. Nocturnal dungeon/crypt sounds, when even the tortured spirits are at rest.


2. Something that you look forward to wearing when you are exercising.

I realize that might sound kind of silly and it’s not like I put a lot of thought into my appearance when I am venturing forth to sweat for an hour in 100 degree weather.  But there’s something about looking down at this particular shirt when I am exercising that makes me cackle.  And I love that. It makes the time spent working out seem a tiny bit less dreadful.

Cat magic tee shirt by killercondoapparel on etsy


Anton says

I might have to try the bedtime mattress yoga thing.

The only reason I'm able to stick with my workout is my tiny Sansa mp3 player loaded with a ton of the more industrial/ebm sort of music. I run to Grendel a LOT.

Jantine says

Good idea to add Grendel to my running playlist. I like Xotox while running (makes you go really fast!) or Covenant & Apoptygma Berzerk if I'm in for a more mellow work-out.

S. Elizabeth says

Jantine, I am not a runner...yet...or well, maybe never. I don't know! I am still looking for exercises that I like to do! So far I know I don't hate walking, so I tend to do a lot of that. I know at one point in my life that was fairly effective, but that was uh, 25 years ago and I think my metabolism has definitely slowed down since then! I am definitely going to look all of this music up, though - it might inspire me to at least get up to a jog!

S. Elizabeth says

Anton, oh definitely give it a try and let me know how it works for you! If you are not used to twisting in those ways, just go easy on yourself. After a while it actually starts to feel quite nice!

And I will definitely have to look up Grendel; shamefully, I think I've missed out on quite a bit of music if it is not directly related to my interests. I listen to A LOT of sleepy stuff ;)

lau says

perfect! yes! we are like minds, my fitness/food instagram bio says "adventures of a weirdo in weightloss". love it!!

and i really need to do a little yoga every day. deep breathing has amazing effects.

S. Elizabeth says

I wonder if I noticed your instagram bio and maybe internalized it a little! When I was writing and I hit upon it, I should have realized that came to me just a little *too* easily :P
I hope you don't mind!

Lau says

of course not! let's spread the weightloss for weirdos way!

Shana says

I totally need to follow your instagram for weightloss in the weirdo style! :-) What is your user name?

Lau says

its aloofit! right now I am on a specific diet / protocol thinger, but when I'm not its more general healthy stuffs.

Shana says

I have a funky suggestion for you since you aren't too far away from my city (Jacksonville)! We host a 5K and 10K in our cemetery 2 times a year. How about you and I train for the 5K that is in October? I do a fast walk....I do not run unless being chased by zombies! We have 167 acres of heavily canopied roads. I can email you more information if you would like. I need a fire under my butt to move more and if I know that my five foot zero little legs have to keep up with someone I know I will work harder. I'm currently walking about 2.5 miles at about a 19 min. mile but that is just starting back up after an exercise hiatus when I had surgery earlier this year. I had been walking 5 miles averaging 16 min. miles prior to all my issues!

S. Elizabeth says

I LOVE that suggestion! Only thing is - my first weekend in October is tied up with a wedding, and Halloween weekend is busy. Provided it is between those two, I am TOTALLY ON BOARD.

Sugar Blisters says

I have a Pinterest board specifically dedicated to zombie 5Ks, since that and the super spartan are the only kind of group running type thing I'll do. I was even able to drag Sexy Face to a zombie 5K. AS a zombie though...

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