Unquiet
Things

You’ll notice this roundup looks different – some reviews are just glimpses, with full versions available on my Midnight Stinks Patreon. I’m experimenting with this format because while this blog draws readers interested in all sorts of weird and strange things, not everyone who follows me here is necessarily obsessed with whether something smells like “the Crypt Keeper’s signature ice cream flavor” or “a vampire with a bizarre sweet tooth stumbled into a Precious Moment gift shop.”

The Patreon is a dedicated space for fragrance obsession – where the actual scent nerds congregate and where I can dive into the more challenging, uncomfortable perfumes that need proper context. It’s become this wonderful community of people who specifically want to geek out about whether a perfume conjures “goth California Raisins” or makes you wonder if “someone fed all their perfect girlfriend material into an AI machine.” The full reviews live there because that’s where my fellow stinkers actually want to explore the full spectrum of olfactory weirdness with me.

 Marissa Zappas Carnival of Souls An involuntary grimace quickly smoothed into polite blankness, a gagging masked by a throat-clearing. “Is everything ok?” “Oh, it’s nothing, I’m fine” and proceeds to throw up in mouth just a little, not too obvious. Honeyed floral cream turning sour, saffron like dried grass mixed into warm milk that’s started to separate. Coconut cream sweet and plasticky with oddly-spiced grave dirt patchouli sediment settling at the bottom. An eerie seriousness that doesn’t land and instead evokes a wobbling, wonky naiveté, dewy-eyed and desperate so much as to be repellent. I’ve found everything I have tried from Marissa Zappas too subtle, too fleeting, stories in which the characters and plots are instantly forgettable, leaving you wondering if anything ever happened at all. Carnival of Souls continues this pointless parade of almost-perfumes.

4160 Tuesdays Rhubarb & Custard No tart fruitiness, no bright rhubarb sharpness but rather waxen vanilla cream, powdery musk, the ghost of an Avon moon pomander. Unctuous citrus-like-but-not sweetness filtered through something fatty and cozy and comforting, maybe cheesecake, maybe childhood. Motion sickness of the soul as memory unlocks behind glass. The queasy pleasure of nostalgia in a bottle. I wrote more about this scent for my Patreon folks!

Arcana Wildcraft The Stars Aldehydes, electric, immediate; sharp brightness dilating your pupils involuntarily in a dark room. Charles Burchfield’s Orion in Winter translated into scent: stars throbbing with impossible light, night sky crackling with energy. Meadow grass electric chorus, alive, buzzing, participating in the same frequency as hyperaware consciousness. Three in the morning and your mind is racing, a thousand moth wings, each drawn to multitudinous flames, darkness reaches its deepest saturation point, clocks hold their breath. Not anxiety, not exhilaration, but a secret third thing that my typo revealed to me just now: axhilirating [axhilirating: adj. the specific exhilaration that contains within it the seeds of its own anxiety; excitement at the precise frequency of existential dread.] Fairy lights threaded around the orange tree, infused with the spirit of the fruit; juiced, bulbs and strands and all; gulped in a single breath, time hiccups, everything shifts and blurs, cold light pooling in your lungs like a chandelier of stars, like the crushed peal of a high, clear bell, like swallowing the click of diamond high heels on marble. Something plasticky, glassine and strange—this entire thrumulent, glintiform experience sealed in a clear envelope, preserved for examination later, when you’ve had proper sleep and can make sense of this crackling complicity with life the universe and everthing, when standing in a winter meadow looking up at burning stars felt less like metaphor and more like a language that you, the only person left in the world awake and alive, can speak.

Chanel Paris – Deauville Iced lemon slices in a cut-glass bowl, encased in ice; fresh, crisp herbs soaking in ice water, subtle as a lacy front or two. The memory of a glass of sweet white wine, a honeyed, floral Gewürztraminer wisp; round, rich, luscious, and strangely absent for all its suggestion. Somewhere between charming and refreshing, gentle with a glint in its eye; Not overly polite yet definitely inoffensive, nothing weird you can put your finger on, but there’s a phantom shimmer, a flickering presence, an impossible-to-name thing, which makes it either perfectly frustrating or frustratingly perfect.

Mark Buxton Wood & Absinth The phrase “fresh and clean” makes my skin crawl, probably because I associate it with people who make cleanliness feel like a personality trait, who turn basic hygiene into aspirational lifestyle content, who kind of make you feel like a slob just by existing. Meanwhile, I hate to shower (I do it, but I don’t like a single second of it!) and generally resent having to participate in hygiene theater; the whole thing is exhausting. Wood and Absinth sidesteps this entire obnoxious charade. Saponified anise, woody-soapiness that hits the sweet spot of ease; herbal bitterness like the toothpaste I’d choose because mint grosses me out, because the sight of someone working gum in their mouth makes me want to puke, because what’s wrong with breath that smells like bagels and lox anyway. This is uncomplicated, which I mean as praise—not complex, not trying to conjure memories or transport you somewhere else, just a reliable background scent for everyday wearing when I don’t want to think about it, but I also want something that smells like me. Wood, water, bitter leaves; simple, straightforward ingredients that coalesce in a scent that is ….what would I call this? An unfussy staple, slightly elevated? A functional fragrance, unembellished but not boring? This is a competent perfume that might benefit from a less clunky summation, but I’m not sure if a fragrance that’s merely competent deserves much more work on my part.

DSH Perfumes Prophecy My immediate reaction to Prophecy: “This is an incense for the GIRLIES.” Not austere or monastic or churchy or smoky-sacred; this is more of a “burn this stuff in the background of your IG reels while Hozier sings something brooding about desire and divinity and you arrange rose quartz crystals on your nightstand” vibe. Pastel tarot deck spirituality. De-saturated dragon’s blood. A dreaming without a dreamer, that ethereal mystical atmosphere floating free, no deep spiritual practice required. An outer light reflected or an inner light unveiled, either way it’s been retouched for social media, aesthetic enlightenment run through a vintage Lightroom filter. Creamy, almost fruity, almost floral incense—except not quite incense; aureate suffusion that smells like how luxe body cream feels. Whipped honey vibe; you could take a juicy bite of this tawny chunk of resin. Baby’s first incense, but I can see how it becomes A Whole Vibe, build an entire aesthetic around it. The DSH site notes that it’s a bestseller, which makes perfect sense…it works well enough for what it’s trying to be, but it’s too sweet, too fluffy for me. My prophecies need a bit more doom and gloom.

Reviews for all three scents from Poesie’s Persephone Uncrowned collection can be read by members over on my Midnight Stinks Patreon. Someone on Reddit yelled at me about these reviews!

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab Angst Psychic shockwaves of cognitive estrangement – what demented pleasure to recognize beloved scents transformed into their shadow selves. Of the two wolves inside me, this delights the freak who admires a perfumer capable of subverting grapefruit and ginger so thoroughly. Grapefruit distilled to its most accusatory elements; ginger gone a bit septic, medicinal rather than spiced. The feverish chaos of sickness made olfactory, an eerie parade of familiar notes whose expressions now exude subtle paranoia, discomfort, distrust. The landscape of unease settles: coniferous shadows lean too close, fruit-sour brightness concentrated to vinegar and bitter quinine, the delirium and dread of existence seeping through pores like chilled and electric, frantic fever sweat. It dries softer, and tangier and fizzier; a jittery-prickly rose-gold ruby panic shrub.

Orto Parisi Seminalis is another one that can be found as a Midnight Stinks Patreon review. It might be a bit triggering, and just dropping in here if you’re not expecting it feels like a not cool thing to do.

And finally some first impressions of some very kawaii, extremely literal and hyperrealist Asian dessert fragrances from Mochiglow. This, too, can only be found on my Patreon.