How To Greet Death

greet death

For national poetry month, I am once again sharing my forever favorite: “How To Greet Death,” by Gabriel Gadfly. I originally found this poem posted over on Tumblr in 2008 or so. Oh, Tumblr! I guess you weren’t all bad.

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How To Greet Death

Greet death
with your hands in your pockets,
slouched back, cool,
collected, and confident.
Wear a hint of a grin
and a dash of cologne.
Say What took you so long?
Say You’re behind the times, man.
Say Dead is the new black.
Coffin is the new condo.
Pallor is the new tan.
La vida muerta.

Greet death
with a fistful of black-eyed susans,
butterflies in your stomach,
and two tickets to tomorrow’s sunrise.
Wear your father’s cufflinks
and your mother’s wedding ring.
Say I brought these for you, babe.
Say Kiss me, kiss me.
Say But wait until the sun comes up.
Just until daybreak.
I want to show you something.
Hasta la muerte, te amo.

Greet death
with a knife at your own neck,
chin up, throat bared,
cardiac in overdrive.
Wear nothing.
Wear nothing.
Say Bring it on motherfucker!
Say Only on my terms.
Say nothing
and open your throat.
and bleed to completion.
El final, el final, el final.

Links Of The Dead {March 2020}

The intro for our monthly installment of Links Of The Dead typically reads as follows: “Some deathly reportings I have encountered in the past month or so– from somber to hilarious, from informative to creepy, here’s a snippet of things that have come across my radar with reference to matters of mortality.”

This month I think I am going with: here’s a bunch of mostly depressing news. But some of it may be helpful or heartening! Don’t lose hope, friends. We will get through this.

Previous Links Of The Dead: {March 2019} | {March 2018} | {March 2017} | {March 2016}

💀 The Healing Power Of Music In A Time Of Death, Fear And Grief
💀 What should you wear to your funeral?
💀 Grief, Anxiety, and COVID-19
💀That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief
💀 Growing Up In A Funeral Home Couldn’t Prepare Me For My Sister’s Death
💀 Funerals Must Change In This Time Of Social Distancing
💀 Interview with Dr John Troyer about “Technologies of the Corpse
💀 The Pandemic Highlights The Importance Of Conversations About End Of Life Care
💀 Considerations related to the safe handling of bodies of deceased persons with suspected or confirmed COVID-19
💀 A twitter thread from The Order Of The Good Death: information, resources, & support in relation to to Covid-19 including a toolkit, alternatives to holding an in-person funeral, how to thoughtfully talk about death, grief & isolation.

Cinema In Exile: 10 Favorite Films For When You’re Social Distancing

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Last week I shared on the Haute Macabre Instagram account ten of my favorite movies for watching while in self-isolation, but to be honest, these are just my favorite films, period. I thought I’d share them on my blog today, with links to where you can view them, if available.

I’d give you a pithy synopsis for each one, but man. I just haven’t got it in me right now. The world is going to shit in a strange and awful way and I am doing everything I can to keep it together at the moment. If you’re picking and choosing from this list, feel free to judge a book by its cover or, in this case, a movie by its inexplicably compelling film still.

First, though in no particular order is the trippy, surreal Belladonna of Sadness (above) and which can be found on Shudder right now.

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You can purchase Valerie and Her Week of Wonders from Criterion, or you can watch it on YouTube.

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Picnic at Hanging Rock is available through Amazon, or again, you can purchase at Criterion.

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Lemora: A Child’s Tale of the Supernatural, well, I am not sure where you can stream it, but you can get the DVD at Amazon.

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Burnt Offerings can be found on Amazon.

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The Lair of the White Worm, a fantastic adaptation by Ken Russell of the Bram Stoker story, can be found on Shudder. If you’ve a mind to grab the book, please know that it’s completely deranged but it’s also got illustrations by Pamela Colman-Smith (of the Smith-Waite tarot!)

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Jean Rollin’s The Living Dead Girl can be found on Amazon. I adore most of Jean Rollin’s pretty but mostly-plotless films, but this one is a definite favorite.

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Let’s Scare Jessica To Death is probably the dumbest title in the world, but don’t let that dissuade you from giving it a watch! It can be found on Amazon.

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The Fountain can be found on Amazon (though I think it’s actually through Cinemax) or Hulu. When you inevitably become obsessed with the gorgeous melodrama of Clint Mansell’s score for the film, give it a listen on Spotify.

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After you’ve thoroughly sated your desires for beautiful films with marvelous costumes and breathtaking cinematography, there’s nothing left for you but Frankenhooker. Which if I actually was ranking these films, I might actually put this weird gem right at the top of the list! You can find it on Shudder.

For Your Ears (Vol. ?)

It’s been forever since I’ve put together an installment of For Your Ears, wherein I ramble at you about all the stuff I’ve been feeding my earworm with lately.

…which could be due to the fact that I spent the majority of 2019 listening to the same album on repeat, and while I love you Lana, I think it’s time we start unearthing new sonic baubles again. Here are four possibilities!

Featured is a new series of mixes brimming with delicious lunar energies, created by my best good friend, more of which can be found over on Mixcloud (or played directly above!) For much, much more of her lovely soundwave manipulations and brilliant sonic artforms, take a peek at her website.

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La Femme Pendu’s new full-length album, Absolute Horror, was released on the Spring Equinox and I wrote a few words about it over at Haute Macabre. If smoky parlor ballads lyrically inspired by classic horror cinema, sung by a“Satanic Jane Birkin, or Françoise Hardy alone in a graveyard at midnight” is your thing, then you will adore the gloomy diableries of La Femme Pendu.

I have been waiting for this new album from Myrkur for quite some time but I actually haven’t had a moment to sit down and listen to it the whole way through. From what I’ve heard so far it’s a bit of a departure from her previous black metal efforts for more traditional Scandinavian folk songs, but it’s not altogether unexpected–her music has always had that sort of shadow folk sound– and it’s thoroughly gorgeous.

I was honored to be asked by the folks at Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab to contribute a playlist to their channel for an BPAL X Haute Macabre collaboration, which you can find on Spotify here, or listen to it, above.

What’s in your earholes right now? Comforting yourself with old favorites? Or keeping yourself busy by searching out new tunes? Let me know in the comments!

Ghost Hugs From Exile: Self-Care, Solace, And Sanity For Shut-Ins

Johann Georg Meyer, Young Woman Looking through a Window

Johann Georg Meyer, Young Woman Looking through a Window

Ok, so if we’re being honest, I’ve been self-isolating since the late 70s. And it must be noted that I wrote that sentence last night and in opening this draft again early this morning, I misread that as “…self-loathing since the late 70s”. Also true. But not why we’re here today.

It’s a scary, lonely, and possibly boring time for a lot of folks right now if you’re keeping your distance from others, working from home, and just hanging around your house, waiting for this madness to pass. No happy hours with co-workers, no bookclubs or yoga classes, possibly no trips to the library or the grocery store (if, like me, that’s about the extent of your social interaction right there.)

I know a lot of us think–hey, 24/7 home-times and zero amounts of human contact is basically my life, anyway! No biggie! But it’s one thing to want that for yourself…it’s something else entirely not to have any choice in the matter. What once felt safe and lovely in the cozy confines of your home may begin to feel like a sentence of stifling, smothering imprisonment. After all, no one wants to be told what to do! There’s nothing like being informed that you can’t do something, to flip that contrarian switch in your mind that makes you suddenly want to do that thing more than anything in the world. So I absolutely understand how frustrating it can, even for an introvert, not to be able to leave the house, let alone see the places and do the things and hang out with the people. Or just…you know, go to your place of work and put in the hours for a paycheck. Or maybe you are immunocompromised, or you deal with the daily experience of living with a chronic illness, and frequently must turn down invitations or reschedule appointments for things outside the house while you tend to your own health. During this strange time of isolation and quarantine it’s possible you may be feeling well enough to spend time with friends, but…you can’t. And let’s not forget our extroverted friends! I know that I personally feel drained from being around people and am happy to avoid it entirely, but I have plenty of friends who find interaction and conversation energizing and invigorating. The friends who are always moving, going, doing! I can think of any number of reasons we are worried and anxious and the possibility of stir craziness and cabin fever looms.

Me, well. As someone who already works at home and has for almost a decade; who has maybe only one local IRL friend; who is very much an introvert anyway…I believe I am doing OK. For now. I don’t think I am likely to get bored (in my childhood, someone once told us, “if you’re bored–you’re boring!” and that is a sentiment that has always stuck with me, and has instilled in me the idea that to be boring is maybe the worst personality flaw one can have.)  My youngest sister explained our temperaments quite well when it comes to being okay with being home, and alone:

“My early years of being a socially-awkward, friendless little freak have served me well: I’m comfortable in my own company, and my internal landscape is rich and well-supplied with my own interests and curiosities.”

Wow, you can’t tell we’re related or anything.

I’m still working full time at my day job–not much has changed on the surface with regard to what I do for a living. But it’s an industry that will no doubt be affected by what’s happening now, and I have a feeling that these are effects that may be felt soon. So I’ll be grateful for my job while I have it!  For this period of quarantine and captivity, things at work are no doubt going to be a little slow, so here are a few of the things I will be doing. Or thinking about doing. Or some ideas for you!

tidy

Clean and tidy and organize my environment. When you have to look at the same walls and shelves and surfaces for days on end, dust and scraps and piles of random things where they don’t belong can start to make your space feel annoying and gross–and this feeling can naturally affect your attitudes and motivations for doing other things.

Block out some time to make the bed, to vacuum, to put things back where they belong, at the very least. Catch up on some podcasts while you’re doing it! For me in particular, that means organizing the stacks of stuff that end up on top of the captain’s bed in my office, a spot which has become sort of a catch-all for everything that enters my home that I don’t have immediate plans for. And because I work in my office, I always see that mountain of yarn, or perfume samples or whatever, looming and mocking me from the corner of my eye. It’s distracting. I’m going to take some time to find homes for these things and bring my office back to a nice, functional space.

books

Read! Now is a great time to make a dent in those stacks. You know the ones. The library stacks. The purchased-from-amazon-for-summer-reading-in-2015 stacks. The Kindle Unlimited backlog digital stacks. The poetry-section-at-Powells-from-a-previous-trip-to Portland stacks. Have a nice beverage, kick up your feet and put on your funny socks so that when you look down you see your silly toes and it makes you laugh. Post a photo of that on Instagram. Or maybe listen to some free books! Right now I am finally reading The Picture of Dorian Gray, catching up on Monstress. What are you reading during these strange, unprecedented times?

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Catch up on personal projects, hobbies, or creative activities–finish that knitted shawl, make that pelmeni that your friend gave you an excellent recipe for, KonMari your tee shirt drawer; redesign an awkward room, fix those wonky, squeaky, creaky things around the house, throw out all of your old crusty makeup, do your taxes. Tune that ukelele that your partner bought you for Christmas in 2014 and you’re afraid to even look at, update your resume/portfolio and refresh those skills that might give you a leg up on the job market, unsubscribe from all of the stuff clogging your mailbox, unfollow all those boring people on Instagram who never update anymore …though if you were close to them you may want to reach out and see if they’re ok, of course! Create a budget for yourself and make some plans to be more financially solvent. Do some end of life planning! (this is not morbid; this is practical.)

Learn something new! A yoga pose, a fancy nail design manicure, a Skillshare class on whatever, I don’t know, maybe one about being a social media guru or taking nice photos of your coffee in a hipster cafe. Listen to that one TED talk on empathy; learn to make a classic cocktail. Learn origami, watch some youtube tutorials for making cold process soap or wax candles, or herbal tinctures and decoctions. Read up on some eco-sustainable solutions for your home to begin implementing when you’re comfortable enough to think about things like that again. Look at some beautiful art for your eyeballs in a virtual museum tour. Finally begin reading up on the Tarot! Take your cue from The Hermit, and use this introspective, reflective time to learn about the things that excite your soul. Like crochet! The Hermit is totally crocheting some amigurumi dolls right now.

Are both you and your partner working at home? Take lunch together and do something absurd and ridiculous like rewrite the words to a popular song; I’ve started with the lyrics to the Eagle’s Desperado–my version is called Death Burrito. That’s about as far as I’ve gotten. I mean… I haven’t even learned to play the original on my ukelele.

Talk about something silly and fanciful. Plan that pie-in-the-sky-vacation you’ve been thinking about taking. Daydream together. My partner and I both work from home and have for years now, in our very different jobs. We have separate offices, luckily, and we’ve worked it out so that we don’t get in each other’s way, and we understand that we are at work between the hours of 8:30-5:30. But if that’s not your situation, this may be a good read right now: Surviving Quarantine Without Killing Your Partner.

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Get outside if you can. Walk around the neighborhood, peek in your neighbor’s garages (why do so many people leave their garage doors open all day long? Guy with the confederate flag hanging over your mossy old sofa…do you really want people to see that?) Go to a park, I mean I know it’s only a quarter-mile walk around a craggy retention pond, but use your imagination. Hang out in your backyard and garden, plant some seeds, grow something. Have a little picnic on your back porch. Squat down and look at some bugs. Lean your head back and look at the sky.

If you’re able, do your best to move around and don’t turn into a fossil! Little micro-workouts, gentle stretches, strength training, learn a K-pop dance, dance with Debbie Allen!; hula hoop in your backyard, do one of those crazy VR games, use your treadmill or stationary bike, try yoga apps or youtube videos, use that zombie running app that you downloaded once and promptly forgot about. If any of my DDR PS2 games worked with our PS4 I’d be hardcore Dance Dance Revolutionizing right now. I am actually the worst at this, so if you’ve got any tips of things tried and true that work for you, please let me know!

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Planner layout photo courtesy my baby sister, who suggested both #plandemic and #plandemonium as hashtags for current social media usage.

Plan and organize and make appointments and schedule things! I know it’s tough to book mammograms and hair colorings right now. Who knows when it will seem like a smart idea again to see our doctors for non-crucial issues and book appointments with the folks who make us look good? I don’t know! But if you’re suddenly working from home (or you’re at home because you’re suddenly not working) it’s understandable that you might be floundering and adrift because your regular routines have all gone out the window. Make a plan for yourself even if you’re just scheduling the stuff you do around the house. 6:30am wake up. Make bed. Drink water. Wash face. Do laundry. Email friends. I know these are just dumb daily things that you are going to do anyway, but when you don’t have anything else going on and your whole day boils down to these quotidian activities, it can feel like a big deal crossing small wins off your list.

Communicate with friends and loved ones. Keep up with your Facebook group chats, Skype with your sisters, text your best friend, send out emails to folks you haven’t heard from in a while. (If you’re me, don’t take/make any phone calls because why don’t people get that you are on the phone from sundown from sunup for your day job and you would rather throw yourself into a woodchipper than talk on the phone in your free time?) Play online games or apps with your cousins, watch movies with your coven over facetime, do book club discussions over coffee or cocktails together via Skype. Create a shared playlist with your buds on Spotify. Write some actual letters with that fancy stationery you never use, for pete’s sake

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Cook! Experiment with a new recipe (make one of those technical challenges from the Great British Baking Show! Pretend that Paul Hollywood is going to give you that famous handshake if you get it right!), make a comforting classic; perfect one of your granny’s recipes, do some nice, relaxed, non-rushed meal-prep; see what kind of dreamy charcuterie board you can come up with what you’ve got on hand. If what you’ve got is string cheese, salmon jerky, and Cheez-Its, that’s a good try! The unattractive photo above is a barley and lentil soup I made with some dried goods that had been in my cupboard for maybe 5-6 years. I don’t know if it’s because I sauteed the veggies in bacon grease, but this was really an excellent-tasting soup for having used such humble ingredients.

BATH

Step away from the media that’s fueling your anxiety; draw yourself a bath and use some of those potions and lotions and oils and balms you have on the shelves in your bathroom– bath salts, bubble baths, fancy soaps, bath bombs, bath melts, etc, etc. Give yourself a manicure, a pedicure, a hand massage, a foot soak (or if you’re like me, you’re too lazy to draw a bath so instead you put all of those things I listed above into a tiny foot soak tub instead); do a facial, a mask, a peel; do some gua sha, light some candles, listen to some ASMR for tingles and relaxation. Lisa-Marie Basile has got some really wonderful rituals for troubling times such as this in her gorgeous book, Light Magic for Dark Times: More than 100 Spells, Rituals, and Practices for Coping in a Crisis, and I cannot recommend it highly enough. This is the perfect time to dive in.

Write it out! Do some journaling (keep a plague diary!) work on your essay, your article, your interview, your poetry, your great American novel; meditate on and document what is happening right now, scribble and ramble to work through your fears and your feelings during these chaotic times. It’s scary to sit with these worrying thoughts, but if you’re up to it, you may find it helpful.

Follow your heart and see what it wants to do…and if that’s exactly nothing, then go with that for a while, too. It is OK to be still. I think the idea of “keeping busy” and the hustle/grind/etc–these types of relentless toil have been glorified in our society, and listen, you don’t have anything to prove right now. We place unbelievably high standards on ourselves, and that pressure is untenable on any given day, let alone in circumstances such as these. Listen to that small voice within and to the messages your body, instincts, spirit give you. You don’t have to “think positively.” Be worried, be anxious, be scared. Lean into those feelings and let them have a voice.  If that’s too much right now, and stillness doesn’t feel like something you can handle, to do those things that make you feel safe and cozy and let you tune out for a while: movies, puzzles, knitting, looking at pictures of corgi butts, napping, whatever.

If your heart is moved do something else, maybe consider donating to or buying a gift card from local businesses that you support; purchase a gift card or two from some of your favorite artists, or contribute to their Patreon, or buy them a Kofi. Support your local mutual aid network. If we’re at a point where you can still do this, run errands for someone who needs to stay indoors. I am sure there are lots of helpful and good things that I am not even thinking of, so please feel free to comment with ideas and practices of your own.

And I get it, we’re not all on vacation here. Some of us are still working– I know I am. (And there are some lovely, gentle work from home tips in this article at Luna Luna Mag!) It’s not like all of this magical free time just opened up for me! Some are not working and currently without income. Some of you have kids and can’t just take up crocheting or a new hobby or whatever. You’ve got diapers to change or kids out of school who need wrangling. Some of you live in apartments and maybe don’t have a park or a neighborhood to walk around. We’re not all in the same situation, and we don’t have access to the same things. The circumstances look different for all of us, and I wish I had more answers and ideas for everyone. But these are some things that I’d like to try to work into my schedule because now seems like a good time, I mean it’s got to be good for something, right?

Ghost hugs from exile, friends. Be well and stay safe.

The Art Of The Occult

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Is this a good time to make an official book announcement for The Art Of The Occult (Quarto/White Lion Publishing) complete with a cover reveal and pre-order links? Times are weird and dark and scary right now. Sharing and celebrating this accomplishment with you all feels like a tiny ray of light.

See below for some details, and I look forward to sharing some behind-the-scenes tidbits regarding the process, as well as some personal snippets about my own experience with writing this book, in the upcoming months.

Description

The Art of the Occult is a visual feast of eclectic artwork informed and inspired by spiritual beliefs, magical techniques, mythology and otherworldly experiences.

Mystic and occult practices date back centuries, but why, after so much scientific progress, do we still chase the esoteric? Over the past two centuries, artists have been drawn to these unknown spheres and have created curious artworks that transcend time and place. From theosophy and kabbalah, to the zodiac and alchemy; spiritualism and ceremonial magic, to the elements and sacred geometry – The Art of the Occult will explore:

the symbolic and mythical images of the Pre-Raphaelites;
the automatic drawing of Hilma af Klint and Madge Gill;
Leonora Carrington’s surrealist interpretation of myth, alchemy and kabbalah;
the theosophical practices of Mondrian and Kandinsky;
and contemporary tattoo artists inspired by sacred geometry.

Featuring prominent, marginalised and little-known artists, The Art of the Occultcrosses mystical spheres in a bid to inspire and delight. Divided into thematic chapters (The Cosmos, Higher Beings, Practitioners), the book acts as a light introduction to the art of mysticism – with short chapter introductions examining each practice, followed by a series of carefully curated artworks, supported by explanatory captions.

The art of the occult has always existed in the margins but inspired the masses, and this book will spark curiosity in all fans of magic, mysticism and the mysterious.

Pre-order: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Books-A-Million / IndieBound

A Wish Or A Warning

Lillian Gish in The Wind (1928)

Lillian Gish in The Wind (1928)

For over a decade I made a habit of sharing each mix I made over on 8tracks, so now I guess I’m starting a new tradition over on Spotify…even though it’s not really new, I’ve got 200+ mixes over there!

A Wish Or A Warning. Songs and sounds for feeling weird and dark during weird, dark times.

Buy My Old Stuff

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THIS BAG IS SOLD–THANK YOU!

Hello friends. As you probably know, because I have mentioned it several times over on several social media platforms–I am unloading some of my things over on Depop and Poshmark.  There is nothing wrong with these things–some of them are, in fact, very very nice!–but they just don’t get any love and sit in a box or on a shelf, unused. It’s quite a waste, and I’d love them all to go to good homes, and if I can make a buck or two in the process and recoup some of my spendings, that would be grand.

A million years ago, I used to sell vintage clothes on eBay, and I had so much fun with it. Now, though, the thought of selling to strangers who are going to complain or criticize or attempt to scam me …it just feels too fraught. Even people asking me questions about what I am selling makes me very anxious. I just want to be done with it, and I want all of these extra things out of my house because I am tired of looking at them!

So, I thought I might show a few things here on the blog for folks who read my blog–I am way more comfortable with you guys. If you see anything you’d like to take off my hands, make me an offer* and let’s work something out! I would love to do this outside of Depop and avoid all the fees. I know that in general, that’s ill-advised because Depop and sites like it offer buyer protection, but I think we’re good here, right? So if you’ve got a PayPal account, and you’ve had your eye on something, please let me know, and let’s make it happen!

If you’re not sure what I mean by “make me an offer”, hopefully, this will help. I had that velvet Vampire’s Wife bag, featured above, listed for $325. When I originally purchased it, new, it was £350.00 ($449 USD). It is virtually unused, and yet someone on Poshmark offered me $100 for it. That’s…a little insulting, you know? Out of spite, I declined the offer and I unlisted the item. Ha! Take that! Anyway, I will entertain all REASONABLE offers, is what I am saying.

If you see anything below that you’d like to grab, shoot me an email with an offer and your address details to mlleghoul AT gmail dot com, and let’s talk! I have provided links to all of the listings should you want additional particulars and details, and be sure to take a peek around, because I didn’t post below everything that’s listed in the shop, and you don’t want to miss out! The earliest I will be able to ship out is Monday, March 9, and all items will be sent via priority mail with tracking.

If there’s anything you’ve had your eye on, now is definitely the time to scoop it up, because as of April 1st, I am taking all of my listings down. It’s just too much potential stress and I don’t want to worry about it anymore!

International friends–my apologies. Shipping elsewhere can be a little onerous and so this is post is intended for friends and readers in the US.

Pour Le Victoire purse--make me an offer

Pour Le Victoire purse–make me an offer!

Frye boots size 7.5--make me an offer!

Frye boots size 7.5–make me an offer!

Sequined Evil Eye slides--make me an offer!

Sequined Evil Eye slides–make me an offer!

20 Things (You Never Asked) About Me

Woman Reading by Window. Jessie Wilcox Smith

1. I used to think that little people lived in my stomach and their village would starve to death if I didn’t eat the Wheat Chex my mother served me every morning.

2. I still believe that the inner workings of cars and computers are powered by fairies and elves.

3. I don’t care for ice cream or cake or pie or candy or cookies. But I do like a lovely crème brûlée.

4. For the years of ten through eleven I slept with a photo of Indiana Jones that I’d torn from the TV Guide.

5. I am terrified of speaking in front of crowds, but you can’t shut me up when I get in front of a camera.

6. I love to sing. My voice is not great, but I don’t think it’s awful, either.

7. I don’t dance. Not even in the house, alone.

8. When I am dreaming, and I enter a darkened room and the light switch isn’t working, that’s how I know it’s about to become a nightmare.

9. My favorite number is two and odd numbers make me a little nervous.

10. I prefer curved shapes. Sharp angles make me anxious, and I often attribute aggressive personalities to them.

11. I would rather wear darker colors but I do love a nice bright, pumpkin-y orange.

12. My sisters and I used to mingle and fraternize our Barbie dolls and Star Wars action figures. Lando Calrissian went on a ski trip with Day to Night Barbie, and things went dark when he slid down a treacherous slope into our trash can (at least we thought that’s where he went) but we couldn’t find him afterward and he was never seen again.

13. I get very upset when I think about my sisters and I not recognizing each other in the next life.

14. My favorite scent is fresh marjoram.

15. My least favorite smell is bubblegum.

16. I can’t even be around people who are chewing gum, I have to leave the room.

17. I like it when older ladies call me honey or sweetheart or darling. I almost yearn for it. Probably because I miss my mother and my grandmother. Conversely, I hate it when men call me those things.

18. In order of things I like to do best: putter in the kitchen, knit, read, watch movies. I feel like if I never did anything but these four things, it would still be a pretty great life.

19. I have strong opinions about people who drizzle ketchup all over their french fries before they even start eating them. I actually have kind of strong opinions on ketchup, in general. On it’s own, it tastes like a mouthful of barf. It needs to be partnered with mustard.

20. I once told a group of people that when I die I would like my body to be expertly butchered and barbecued and served to those I loved most, with a variety of delicious dipping sauces. I can’t think of a more lovely way to be remembered. Dipping sauces are the best.

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