The Pilgrim’s Rest in Burma, circa 1900: A female Victorian traveler looks out with a telescope
This year saw a great deal of activity for me. I suppose maybe I was trying to fit in everything I could during the last year of my 30s? Well, that’s not quite true. Some of these things were not adventures I had planned on, or even wanted.
Either way, I’ve come a long way from that 35 year old woman living in New Jersey, holed up in my terribly insulated house, missing my family, afraid to go anywhere or do anything, and just…stagnating. To the point of stagnation, as one of my sisters would say.
In 2015 I hosted two Death Cafes: one in February and one in November. The earlier one was covered by a local newspaper who had interviewed me beforehand and who were there on site during the event. The second one was a little less nerve-wracking. Both were illuminating, enlightening experiences, and as with every Death Cafe I’ve hosted, I have walked away with wonderful new ideas and lovely new friends.
In 2015 I saw the Acrocats! Which was weird and fun and I would totally recommend it to a friend, unless you have terrible cat allergies.
In 2015, my sister, her husband, my man and I took a wee roadtrip to Atlanta, where we stayed for the weekend and saw the Decemberists perform. It was, I maintain, one of the best shows of my life.
In 2015 I visited Portland (read part I and part II) for the second time. Portland, OR has become one of our favorite cities, and this time we explored along with a group of friends. Food – so much food -was consumed, sights were seen, monsters were vanquished! (We spent a day indoors playing D&D. As you do when there’s a whole city outside just begging to be seen.)
In 2015 I traveled to NJ & NY for work and didn’t die of sadness. I’ll most likely be working for this company for awhile (I’ve already been here for 10 years), so I am sure this won’t be the last time I will make this trip. I also had my first drink alone in an airport bar while reading a really dumb book for which I overpaid because I was desperate for reading material.
Traveled to DC for a whirlwind weekend trip of museums and dumplings and German food and impromptu Santa conventions. Immediately afterward, I traveled to Naples, FL for more work related stuff… but despite the anxiety from hobnobbing with super posh people, it was an interesting trip. I rented a car and drove around a city by myself (granted, it’s a small city with lots of parking and super easy streets) had my first-ever visit with a massage therapist, and I visited a museum that had a fantastic Halston and Saint Laurent exhibit.
Met several someones! I have gotten to know so many people via the internet – you know, via the usual suspects -tumblr, instagram, twitter, facebook. Every once in a while now, I actually meet these folks! In Portland I met up with two amazing ladies for art and cocktails; later I met with a wonderfully special person whom I absolutely adore for tiki drinks. This past October I met up with a woman with whom I’ve been talking for years, she attended the Ghost show with us (which was the second best show I’ve ever seen), and she even sat through a later night viewing of Hedwig and the Angry Inch with us! I met a fellow writer for coffee locally and we exchanged holiday DIY boozes, and most recently I met with one of my Death Cafe ladies for coffee and a chat.
I don’t know if that last one technically counts, since I already met her in person, like, three times, but hey – this is a big deal for me. I am going out and doing things! WITH PEOPLE! And I didn’t freak out about it and I didn’t flake out at the last minute. This is huge progress for me. This is one of the most important things I have been wanting to do for myself. This is huge.
Austin people! New York people! San Francisco people! You just watch out – I’m going to want to meet with you all soon, too.
This was a year for some interesting opportunities and I am honored to have contributed to the following blogs/websites/publications. Thank you for having me, folks!
Here’s a hodge-podge list of things I either stumbled across or that were recommended to me, in no particular order, that I ended up being pretty thrilled with in 2015.
Previously: 14 things I loved in 2014
BEAUTY
The Iope Air Cushion is one of the items I discovered during my Korean beauty product phase earlier in the year that I am still excited about and that I will probably be replacing once it runs out. It is a “unique formula-soaked sponge that has all the benefits of a BB cream (anti-aging, moisturizing, skin-evening coverage and SPF protection). It comes with an equally innovative non-absorbing puff that wicks the formula off of the sponge and effortlessly applies evenly onto your face, for that dewy no-makeup, makeup look.” What I like most about it is that quick, fast and easy. My time is valuable and when I want to throw a face on in a hurry, this is the best thing in my arsenal. It’s got a light, lovely fragrance, it feels cooling when you apply it, it’s very hydrating, and it works quite well with my sometimes sensitive and irritable skin. Love, love, love.
LVNEA’s Wild in the Woods is a mossy, loamy scent fragrant with sweetly decaying forest vegetation. It reminds me of walking around a local pond; there is one spot where the water line meets the exposed tree roots that smells exactly like this subtle, unique perfume.
I ordered several of the Icelandic Yule Lad scents from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab’s recent Yule update, but it was Ketkrókur who stole my heart. Ketkrókur (Meat Hook) comes down from the mountains on December 23, Saint Thorlak’s Day, to steal your hangikjöt with his hook hand. Rude! The notes for BPAL’s version of this dinner thief consist of “labdanum, patchouli, dragon’s blood resin, and clove” and is spicy and warm, slightly powdery from the dragon’s blood and with a tinge of sweetness from the labdanum. It’s an aggressive scent out of the bottle, but one that quickly settles down and behaves in the most lovely way. It smells nothing like smoked lamb, or metal hooks, or stinky trolls, thankfully.
BOOKS
I am not a phenomenal reviewer of media (or even a very good one, or a decent one) so I am just going to provide you with a list of books an incomplete sentence or two about each. Please note, not all of these titles were published this year, these were merely books I read this year, and thoroughly enjoyed.
The Doll Collection– Short stories exploring the darkness of the creepy doll trope, but avoiding the clichés. Not a dud in the bunch. Megahex– Graphic novel about a depressed stoner witch, her cat, and their “friends”. These people are deadbeats and scumbags and basically terrible. The Vorrh -A genre defying, mythic read, following several storylines (some more engaging than others). The language is dense and deliberate; I wanted to read and re-read and savor every sentence because each one was so perfectly crafted. A Pretty Mouth -Not quite what I expected and so I’m not going to spoil any surprises. A novella of sorts, following the exploits of one family through the years, though not exactly by a direct path. Witty and decadent and sinister. Recommended to me by a fellow whose tastes I trust implicitly. Revenants – Recommendaton #2 from the above mentioned gentleman. A highly atmospheric, eerie tale set in a small colonial New England village. Three young woman disappear. Inexplicable incidents follow. Secrets are revealed. Grim reckoning looms. Harvest Home -Published in the late 60s, details a family’s move from the city to a simple country life ruled by the land, and the discoveries that ensue. A slow burn but worth the effort, and the magic and mystery of the small town life is something that lingered with me, despite…well, if you’ve not yet read it, I will stop there. The Taxonomy of the Space Between Us – I read several books of poetry this year – stunning collections, all – but this is the one that resonated with me on a very visceral, very emotional level. Devastating and unrelenting, it is a haunting chronicle of grief and and ineffable sibling bonds that remain even after death. The Wicked + The Divine – The story of reincarnated gods as pop stars; slick, beautiful art and a high concept story line, this wasn’t always easy for me to follow, but it was fun to get lost in.
FILM
I did not watch many movies this year, and I’m afraid the ones I did watch didn’t leave much of an impression on me. The Duke of Burgundy, however, was absolutely delicious. I wrote briefly about it back in May, and described it thusly: “Gorgeous lesbian lovers/lepidoptera enthusiasts have minor spat”. I’m really not sure there was much more to this dreamy film (advertised as “Sex, Bondage, & Butterflies”), but I am fairly certain I could watch it again, and again, and again.
At the very top of my list is Ghost’s Meliora, of course. If I look at my music library I can clearly observe that this was my most listened-to album this year. I almost feel like it’s not even fair to list it because it’s so obvious, but there you have it. Below are a handful of other artists whose albums I enjoyed as well.
Summary: There’s a lot of books on this list. Films were disappointing. I listened to the same thing over and over. I tried a great deal of cosmetics and beauty products, but only a few were standouts.
…And that’s probably about 15 things, right? I’ll confess that lost count halfway through. What have you discovered, re-discovered, or uncovered that was pretty great this year? Tell me all about it!
Listen, I’ll level with you here. There’s no one who can shop for you like you can.
Unless you are providing your friends and loved ones with highly detailed lists which note exactly what something is and where it can be found (which I’ve come to think of as kind of tacky, but your mileage may vary!) it is unlikely you are going to receive that weird/macabre/grotesque/OH DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT item on your list for which you have been longing intensely.
So here’s what you do. Your holiday shopping is, I assume, done and over with, correct? You can breathe a sigh of relief. Pour a glass of wine…or a shot of whiskey…or whatever your poison is – except – please, for the love of all things holy, not one of those vulgar energy drinks.
It is now time to focus on you and what you want – and no, I am fairly certain it is not that Bath and Body Works gift basket in some gross, fruity scent you’ll never wear or that gaudy hummingbird wind-chime from someone who learned 20 years ago that you liked hummingbirds and never listened when you told them gently that your tastes had changed since you graduated from high school.
(And don’t get me wrong – I love it when people think of me enough to buy me a gift, and I am grateful…I just don’t ever expect someone is going to get me that thing that I really, really, want!)
It is now time to throw a few gifts for yourself under the tree! Consider the following items and please note that they all have the mlleghoul stamp of approval, for they have been purchased solely by and for myself.
Books
If you are not already entranced by Segovia Amil’s dark, captivating beauty on instagram, you’ll be bewitched by her words in Ophelia Wears Black, her first published book of poetry. “Ophelia Wears Black is a collection of poetry and prose focusing on the shadow aspects and dark side of the human experience through the eyes of a young girl. Divided into four parts, each mirroring the cycling seasons, we follow Ophelia into her own re-imagined Underworld where she learns to make sense of and find the perfection and necessity of her own inner darkness.”
I have not been able to put down Folk Horror Revival: Field Studiessince receiving it a few weeks ago, it is some of the most compelling, fascinating writing I have ever read on one of my very favorite subject. Featuring essays and interviews by many great cinematic, musical, artistic and literary talents, Folk Horror Revival: Field Studies is the most comprehensive and engaging exploration to date of the sub genre of Folk Horror and associated fields in cinema, television, music, art, culture and folklore. AND 100% of all profits from sales of the book will be charitably donated to environmental, wildlife and community projects undertaken by The Wildlife Trusts.
Music & Art & Baubles
Lost Voices: Volume 1 – Keening and The Death Wail: Lost Voices explores vocal improvisation in folk culture. Volume 1: Keening and the Death Wail considers Keening (a traditional improvised vocal lament) practised by women in ancient Ireland and worldwide. Includes a 31 page booklet exploring the history of the art of keening with a cd of audio examples.
Easeful Death labradorite coffin ring from bloodmilk (sorry for my hands, I know those pointy witch claws are en vogue right now, but I can’t knit with those nails and I’d probably put my eye out.) “Cast immortal in sterling silver, bat wing and leg bones molded from the real thing, are composed into a beautiful setting cradling a labradorite coffin cut jewel.”
Death and the Maiden art print, by artist Tenebrous Kate of Heretical Sexts: “The virginal blush of youth and the icy hand of death, Eros and Thanatos, vanity and decay. Emerging from the imagery found in Medieval depictions of the Dance of Death, the motif of Death and the Maiden is at once macabre and erotic.”
Littlest friend bat cloisonné pin from Cat Coven. Perfect for lapels – whether they’re gracing leather jackets or spooky granny cardigans!
A ghostly white resin hand pendant on recycled black leather from artist Alice Rogers of Trances and Portents.
Eau de Mort parody ad art print by the incomparably lovely Becky Munich. This one is a bit of a cheat since it was a gift, but I have several prints from Becky hanging on my walls and there is space for several more -so no doubt many purchases from this talented artist will occur in the future!
Fragrant Fripperies
There’s not a Yule that goes by wherein I am not sorely tempted by Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab’s seasonal winter holiday scents, and how could I resist this years offerings, which included the Icelandic Yule lads (not pictured). The answer is that I could not.
I also treated myself to a sampler set from The House of Orpheus, which is something I have been meaning to do for a while. Enodia is lovely beyond compare – “… ancient goddess of the streets. She is the Nachtfalter, the moth, the night butterfly. Guided by the moon and associated with Artemis, Hekate and Persephone. Black Storax would have been in the incense burned in offering to this goddess of the street and so we base this perfume in Black Storax, with notes of Black Agars Wood, Moroccan Myrrh, and Vanilla. It is exalted by the alchemical oil of silver”.
Also! I’ve loved the candles from Burke and Hare for awhile now, so much so that I tend to burn through their offerings much too quickly. On a whim, during a recent sale, I picked up Dragon’s Blood: “…fragranced with the precious red resins that create the alluring scent known as Dragon’s Blood. It is a potent and earthy fragrance, infused with cedar wood and patchouli essential oils. The scent combines sweet and spicy notes to form a sophisticated complex blend. “
Have you already been generous to yourself this season? Well, Merry Hexmas to you! I’d love to get a nosy peek into your loot and see what I might be missing!
Several years ago, when I was in my early-to-mid 20s, my youngest sister and I spent a crisp winter solstice evening in downtown Deland Florida with a good friend of ours. It was an enchanting night of hopeful year-end novice spellwork, rooftop cocktails and stargazing, and the loveliest feeling of warmth and camaraderie and peace. I’ve yet to spend a winter solstice in such splendid company since.
To be truthful, I’ve not dedicated much time or preparation at all since then to sabbats or esbats or any manner of pagan pursuits. Perhaps my beliefs have changed; ceremony and all the trappings of ritual aren’t nearly so meaningful if there is a loss or change in beliefs -and if you’re just going through the motions, what’s the point at all?
I suppose though, whatever your beliefs, it’s difficult to deny the existence of the passage of the seasons and the seasonal interplay between light and darkness. These natural phenomena are occurring whether or not you celebrate anything today, whether or not you believe in Sun Gods or Yule Kings or the birth of some divine savior. Even if you’re not lighting candles or making wreaths or raising lanterns or planning the slightest bit of introspection or spiritual reflection, well…regardless, of your beliefs and associated rites and rituals, it is still the shortest day of the year in the northern hemisphere. You still have to crawl out of bed, get dressed, and go about your day.
My long-winded and very roundabout point is this: if you’re not doing anything else today, on the winter solstice (or maybe it is tomorrow? whatever), you should at least get dressed. Right? And if you’re bothering to get dressed, why not do it in style? See below for some solstice outfit inspiration (updated annually with an additional newly created ensemble!) for either ignoring or celebrating the gods and the earth, the light, and the dark. Either way, you’ll look marvelous.
Please note that while you may click on the first five ensembles for a link to a page that will show you details for the items used, the remainder were created using a site that no longer exists, and those details are now lost…
Someone inquired as to whether I would be sharing a Yule/Midwinter playlist this year, but alas, I have had no time. I have, however, put together a small collection of my frozen playlists of yesteryear. Please to enjoy throughout this week before your winter holiday.
My mother, my sister and I; I am feeding my sister her foot. Fuck her if she can’t take a joke.
“Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke”.
My mother would often declare this with regard to just about everything – I still don’t even precisely know when this is an appropriate tack to take, but it remains one of my favorite inner-monologue responses to this day. It so perfectly encapsulates her attitude about life and everything attached to it.
I recall telephoning her one afternoon after a particularly rotten day at work, early on in my job, when I hadn’t quite toughened up and gotten on board with how my particular employer operated. I had been called into the office and essentially advised that I needed to make some changes or I was done there. In a teary phone call I relayed all of this to her, and, though I didn’t ask her, the question hung in the air, over the miles between us. What should I do?
“Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke. Just quit. You’ll find something else.”
I laughed and calmed down and the next day I went to work and did not quit. That was terrible advice. My mother quit a lot of jobs and burned a lot of bridges and I did not want to be my mother in that respect.
Today marks two years since my mother passed and this phrase has worked its way insidiously into mine and all of my sister’s vernacular. I suspect none of us really know what it means, but it somehow now always feels fitting.
Two years ago last night my mother called to tell me her doctor notified her that she was doing much better, the chemo was doing its job, and she was on her way to some kind of recovery. She informed me that she wanted prime rib for Christmas dinner. I was irritated because I figured she wasn’t going to show up anyway – she often promised an appearance at family dinners and then backed out at the last minute – and then I would have made a pain-in-the-ass prime rib for nothing. I told her I would make it happen, but that she had better show up for dinner if she knew what was good for her.
This was the last conversation I was to ever have with my mother; the next day she was dead.
A gathering of death related links that I have encountered in the past month or so. From somber to hilarious, from informative to creepy, here’s a snippet of things that have been reported on or journaled about in or related to the Death Industry recently.
This was originally written for After Dark In The Playing Fields, back in 2010. I thought I would share it here today, as I recently saw this book again at my sister’s house and it has of late been in my thoughts.
I am really at a loss as to how to properly introduce the following item from my past. There are some memories of beloved childhood belongings that just Make Sense – a cherished stuffed animal, for example: a once sweet-faced and shiny marble-eyed bunny rabbit, worn down to rags and nubs from time spent dragging it to and fro through sandboxes, bathtubs and brambles.
Not only did I love this Bunny -I know she loved me too. She loved me so much, I am absolutely certain that she did not mind when, 30 years later – just this past May – I buried her under an old oak tree with my wonderful little cat who had just died. They had both provided comfort and companionship and happiness for me for so many years, it only made Perfect Sense to me to keep them together.
It is fitting then, one should look back at these treasured keepsakes, these fond remembrances and feel a pleasant rush of happiness and harmony. Of feeling safe and at peace. Of the world Making Sense.
Crash Helmet is definitely not one of these items. Even as children, when presented with this book, I recall my sister and I wearing identical looks of abject horror while thumbing through it. I am not sure who gifted it to us, but to this day I wonder what on earth they must have been thinking. I realize that most children’s books are full of crazy, nonsensical plots and unusual characters – that is what makes them so much fun for young people to read, and so memorable many years later. This one however seems particularly demented, and two more wildly unattractive protagonists I have never seen.
A story by Harry Allard and illustrated by Jean-Claude Suares, Crash Helmet follows Elmer, a suave and lonely vulture who runs a gas station in New Mexico who meets Violet, a 5000 year old mummy on a motorcycle. Violet “is charmed by Elmer’s smooth dancing and Elmer is awed by Violet’s fearlessness.” As the two of them try to eke out a living in the desert, they discover “that what they lack in common sense they more than make up in imagination and daring”.
I am not sure it is often that one can trace back to the exact moment the world wobbled, tilted, and subsequently righted itself, but this is as close as it gets for me…. I believe that from that time on my perception of things were a bit skewed for it. This is not all a bad thing, of course! Obviously we had not encountered much weirdness in our lives up until this point, but after repeated, repulsed readings, we grew more and more appreciative of it and the absurdity contained within. I think it probably contributed to our general eccentricities as we grew older!
Of course, we had since lost the copy that we grew up with. I was recently lucky enough to track down another, and surprised myself by how excited I was to tear open the small package and hold the book in my hands again. Having scanned the pages in (the rest you can find below), it is at this moment wrapped in brown paper and in the post on its way to my sister. She is not expecting it, and I cannot imagine what she will think when she opens the package.
I hope though, she will smile and exclaim “This old thing! This strange old thing! How I loved it – how happy I am to see it again.” I hope that after the unusual twists and unexpected turns our lives have taken since that time, she finds comfort in it, as perhaps A Thing That Now Makes Sense.
