Here we are nearing the end of August, and many of you are packing up your blackest swim outfits and bundling up the velvet parasols into storage to gather dust for another season. The summer sun feels hottest and strongest now, but it’s sputtering and fading, you’ll see. There are probably only a few good weekends left for a seaside frolic or a picnic at the lake before the slant of light through the trees bends ever so golden, and the air starts whispering autumn tales of falling leaves and All Pumpkin Everything.
(Well, of course, everywhere except here. We get one day of fall in Florida, and that usually happens for six hours in mid-January.)
Make the most of it while you can! Get out of the house while it is still warm, before the frigid winds slash through the dark, endless nights and the marrow of your bones ices over! See and be seen!
Whether excavating Fiji mermaid remains, reading Dion Fortune in a dim-lit sea cave, or exploring the abandoned ruins of a haunted beach resort you will no doubt find below the dark ensemble to perfectly complete this summer’s final melancholic holiday.
As always, click on the image for a full listing of the items.
We’ve all been there. It’s Friday night, you’re tearing up your closet–shoes strewn all over the floor, blouses crumpled and flung all up in the ceiling fan. You’re growling and muttering anxious curses, butterflies flapping their stupid wings in your guts… and you just don’t know what to wear on your first date with that super cute wolf man who works in accounting.
No, seriously, he’s a wolf man. He’s in the accounting department. You walked past him a million times before and never noticed him until he nearly bit your face off that one time when you were both working late during last month’s full moon.
And now he’s asked you out to dinner!
It’s the age-old dilemma, isn’t it? What to wear on a date with a monster? I mean monsters, they’ve seen it all, right? Some have been around for millennia and certainly have been around the block a time or two. How could you, a mere human, possibly hope to wow or impress one of these dastardly fiends? Never fear, I am here to help.
See below for some fabulous wardrobe suggestions for dates with your savage sweetie or beastly bae, whether you’re sexing up the swamps, inviting them home to flay your folks alive, or just spending some quality time together destroying a major metropolis.
As always, click the link or the image to find out more about the individual items listed.
Fashion for gentle poets of sensual horror, for a life brimming with uncanny beauty and perverse, morbid delights. Conjure a dreamy wardrobe of desolate chateaus, solitary vampires and violent seduction.
Click on each image to take you to a polyvore page with a complete item list.
On rainy midnights do you ever find yourself curled on the sofa, reading a worn paperback with a cracked spine, the shadowy darkness of the tattered cover providing the backdrop for a beveled tower, backlit by the moon and away from which a pale faced and wan young woman flees, her ruffled peignoir trailing and tangling behind her?
What is this poor, doomed lady running from? Could be any number of gothic romance tropes – ghosts, phantoms and strange sinister spirits. Abandoned monasteries, isolated castles. Brooding, mysterious gentleman. Wild, turbulent love and bitter betrayals. Fearful family curses. Dreams, illusions, obsessions, murders. I mean…what isn’t she running from, right?
And do you ever find yourself wondering…“what would I wear if I were running in her shoes?”
Well, nothing practical or suited for running long distances, I can assure you! See below for an array of ruffles, lace and dark baubles with which to bedeck yourself should you find deeply entangled in a highly atmospheric, possibly historical and definitely creepy love affair with a sweetheart who may or may not want to kill you.
Please note that the website where these images were originally compiled and created has since closed and sadly there is no longer a record of the items that were used! Lost to the sands of time, like so many frightened protagonist’s footprints, disappearing along a haunted coastline…
Not into gothic romance? Not to worry – I’ve got you covered! Below are some bonus wardrobes for lovers of pulp and general weirdness.
Another entry in my ridiculous “How to wear” category: How to wear your favorite tarot deck.
You have packed up all your cold-weather clothes and are no doubt simmering with equal parts resentment and bewilderment (also, literally simmering because it’s hot AF outside) as you survey your scant summer wardrobe–for you, a child of bleak and dreary days, are far more content to cloak yourself in layers of darkness during the winter season than you are to strip down in the hot weather to one-piece rompers and accentuating with those dreadful “pops of color” that fashion magazines and beauty bloggers blather on about.
Curse you, evil day star! Why must you shoot your hateful heat-lasers at us? These legs haven’t seen the sun in six months, it’s not safe to wear shorts! Our delicate shoulders prefer wraps and shawls and leather jackets covered with super cool enamel pins! Who can we turn to for advice on building our wardrobe for these heat-blasted days? Where can we find a fashion forecast that won’t leave us feeling disgruntled and stabby?
In our search for more esoteric style inspiration, let us not rule out a more mystical, metaphysical approach. Perhaps through a bit of practical prognostication and pattern prediction we will reveal cosmic trends that resonate with us on a deeper level. In doing so, as universal ideas and corresponding symbols unfold before us, we can interpret intuitively that which speaks to us as sacred and divine and integrate it into our summer capsule wardrobe!
The tarot is brimming with rich, iconic symbolism and gorgeous imagery of the mysterious world of our unconscious, so why not look to the art of your beloved divinatory tools for outfit expansion this season? See below for suggestions from some of my treasured tarot decks, incorporating the old-world, melancholy elegance of David Palladini’s Aquarian tarot, the otherworldly intensity of Lady Frieda Harris and Aleister Crowley’s Thoth tarot, and finally, the neon WTF-ery of Oliver Hibert’s eye-meltingly psychedelic tarot deck.
Fortune-teller fashion? Sybil style? Psychic chic? Oracle aesthetic? Who knows–perhaps we will start a trend of our own. 2016, the summer of visionary vogue.
Allow me to reiterate: I think “how to wear” columns are dumb.
HA! I said it. It’s true. They are dumb. But, as I confessed to my sister the other day: 80% of my daily broodings revolve around how I think I could have done something better than someone else did it (she promised to diagnose me at a later date)… and so I sometimes have to jump into the fray of dumbness just so I can do a better dumb.
Today we have…how to wear DRAMATIC JEWELRY*! And by dramatic, I mostly mean ridiculous. Who else is going to show you how to style a resin lobster necklace, right? Isn’t that why you came here today?
*Please note – some of these selections are more “art” than “wearable accessories” as they are one of a kind, gallery pieces.
Now I imagine most people reading this blog are of an age where they can dress themselves and their wardrobe choices are no longer monitored closely or chosen for them. You’re all probably folks who know what you like and have a snazzy sense of style and you don’t need someone – especially someone whose idea of formal attire is a polyester turtleneck with psychedelic mushrooms dancing all over it – giving you fashion advice. Fair enough.
So don’t consider this a “how to wear” column. Even though that’s what I titled it. I don’t mean to be confusing! I’m simply sharing a few really cool tee shirts here and how I might style them, for folks like me, whose wardrobe is somehow 140% tee shirts and who can appreciate a fantastic, casually cut cotton top with killer graphics on it.
Please note that not everything here is budget friendly. Actually, there is not a single item listed that is budget friendly…except maybe the tee shirts themselves. I will not apologize for my exquisitely expensive tastes! Clicking on each ensemble will take you to a polyvore page with a listing of each of the items featured. And of course there is a perfume paired with each! I mean why bother even getting dressed, otherwise.